Secrets of Love

If Only You Knew

It had been a few weeks since the whole Jayson ordeal and I figured the best way to deal with it was to handle it myself. It seemed as if every time I got into something other people got hurt and clearly they were tired of me and my drama. After everything I went to in order to please everyone they were all pushing me away. It's not through fault of their own, but because of the things that I've done. Even though I knew some of the things that I've done were wrong, I just couldn't see past me and what I wanted.

I was at home watching Lifetime and stuffing my face with strawberries and Nutella. I was bored out of my mind and I was avoiding Jasmine and her crazy requests. I absolutely was not making that happen in a month so I took my time on some things. I let her know that it'd be more like two to three months because of some of the things that she wanted. I told her she always had the option of going to her father's office and letting him do a quick little wedding there. Of course she refused and was waiting on me.

I was over the movie that I was watching and flipped the channels until I ended up watching Fairly Odd Parents. I was just about to doze off when I got a text from Brandon asking me to meet him at the house so that we could talk when he got off of work. I sighed getting up and throwing my hair into a bun. I was in my bra and panties because I was hot so I just grabbed my maxi dress off of the arm of the couch and slipped it on. I knew he was still at work, but I headed over a little early because if I went to sleep I wasn't getting up.

On the drive over to the house I wondered what Brandon wanted. We were already legally separated soon after the counseling session. We were ordered to give it six months to a year to decided if we were actually going to divorce. Brandon had his mind made up that if there was no improvement that he would follow through. I was trying, but it seemed that the more I tried the worse it got. I kept up with my counseling sessions with both Dr. Strawter and Xavier. I came to the conclusion that some things that are broken aren't meant to be fixed.

When I got to the house it took me a minute to get out of the car. I was so lazy with this pregnancy. It wasn't anything like when I was pregnant with Sunny. I took a deep breath and pushed myself out of the car and walked up to the door. Brandon's truck wasn't in the driveway, but I could hear music from inside of her house. I shrugged my shoulders thinking that he actually pulled into the garage.

When I opened the door the lights were dimmed and there was some John Legend playing. I looked at the floor and saw rose petals scattered all over the floor with a trail leading to the stairs and where there were candles and more roses going up them.

"Um, Brandon?" I called out, but got no answer. "Brandon! Brandon I know you hear me."

I followed the trail and put one foot on the stairs. I hesitated to go up the rest, but I continued anyway. The further I got up the stairs the worse the feeling got in my gut. I was about to turn around and go sit in my car until Brandon got there, but the music stopped and then I heard our wedding video coming from down the hall where the trail of petals lead.

"What is he doing?" I wondered as I continued to follow the trail of rose petals.

"How about we play Mama Patti?" I heard once the TV was muted. The DVD was still playing because I could see the light from the TV mixed with the light from vanilla candles that were burning.

"What the hell?" I whispered once I recognized the voice. I pushed the door open and watched as they continued their show.

I must have rehearsed my lines a thousand times,
Until I had them memorized.
But when I get up the nerve to tell you,
The words just never seem to come out right.

I flicked on the light switch and came face to face with someone who clearly wasn't Brandon.

"You're definitely not Brandon."