Laughter Lines

4.15 | laughter lines

laughter lines

as told by everest

Four years passed before I heard from you again. I was nineteen now, just freshly graduated and ready for college. You weren't the first thing on my mind anymore. Weeks, sometimes months went by before I caught myself smiling at an old memory of you, and it didn't hurt as much as it used to. 

I hadn't had a girlfriend since. I guess I just can't bring myself to do it. For senior prom, Diana took me to the same ice cream parlor that we had gone to for our first date, and she asked me if I would go to the dance with her, since she was incapable of finding anyone else. I was so uncomfortable and my heart was aching and all I wanted was to go home, but somehow I agreed to go. Let's just say that I was only at that dance for about a half an hour before I decided to leave. Diana didn't talk to me for two weeks after that.

The day before I was set to leave for school in Florida, I walked into the kitchen after spending a few hours of packing and found an envelope on the table. It was addressed to me, created in delicate, curved letters that seemed to perfect to be handwritten. In the top right hand corner, instead of a return address like there should be, there were only two letters. CM. 

I ripped the paper open with trembling fingers and a racing heart, unable to comprehend how I was feeling. I wanted to cry and scream and smile all at the same time, but instead I just stood there straight-faced and numb.

Everest Logan, it read. I know you probably hate me. I know you've probably been spending these last few years regretting every second you spent with me and every word you could fathom to me.

I didn't.

And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I was as stupid and unstable as I was. I wish I could handle myself and my emotions and I wish I hadn't taken it out on you. I just cared too much about you and seeing you upset like that made me go crazy. I'm taking medicine now and I'm seeing a therapist. My grandmother is making up for all the years of parenthood that I missed. I'm actually doing pretty good now.

I smiled brighter than I ever had before. That was all I needed to know. 

I just thought you deserved an apology. You didn't deserve what I put you through. I hope you're doing alright, and that high school was good, and that college is going to be great. You have a bright future ahead of you, Everest. Embrace it for me. 

I would.

Please, just remember how important you are. You kept me alive and if it weren't for you, I would have been gone a long, long time ago. You made me happy. Even with this large gap of silence and hurt and chaos, you still mean the world to me. I just hope you never forget all the memories we've made, because I'll never stop cherishing them. I'll never be able to erase the visions of a little brunette boy sitting behind me on the school bus with laughter lines that made me melt, or dancing with you around my bedroom when I was sad, or meeting your sister on the sidewalk when she told me that we should get married. It makes me tear up just writing about it. 

Unfortunately, though... I don't think we should build our bridge again. It took a lot of deciphering to decide if I was going to put my address on this envelope, but as you can see it came out negative. I just don't want to ruin us again, so this is where I'm going to leave you be. I love you, Everest Logan. Please never forget that. Ever.

You are a star. Take control of your darkness.

Charlotte Marie.

... and that was it.