Laughter Lines

2.15 | what if

what if

as told by everest

•

"What if..."

You stopped before you could finish your sentence, the words on your tongue trapped by your crimson lips.

You broke your gaze from me, instead looking at the steering wheel that sat motionless in front of you. I wondered if you had started Driver's Ed yet; I had, and was merely weeks away from getting my driver's licence. As I watched you, your eyes blue as the sky beyond you and your hair tucked carefully behind your ears, I imagined the two of us driving around the city and the country, not looking back, laughing and singing along to the radio. Oh, what fun that would be.

"What if what, Charlotte?" I asked softly.

I had just explained to you how embarrassing my sister was being, and how that was the reason I hid in this car. I told you how she was so sure that we were dating, that I liked you and you liked me. My cheeks fumed as I said that, because it was, in fact, true. At least for half of it.

If only I had the courage to tell you that. I yearned for the words to spill out, but they were bottled up, and I couldn't crack the glass. I wanted to punch myself over and over again as punishment, but I didn't.

Why can't you just do it? I asked myself as I continued to admire your internal and external beauty.

I punched myself on the inside, twisting my own gut, screaming at myself to just do it. Just say it. Say it, Everest, you worthless piece of shit!

I could no longer take the pain. I opened my mouth, reaching my hand out to you, but you beat me to it.

"What if we do, you know, like each other?" you asked, your voice weak and quiet. "Would you... like it? Or, us, I mean?"

I gulped. You did feel it. You felt the same.

You felt the same. I wanted to scream.

"Yes," I mumbled back to you. "I would, a lot. Because you're beautiful and sweet and kind and funny and I couldn't even control myself when I first saw you and I wanted to kiss you and hold you and be your..."

I realized how crazy I was sounding and stopped. Oh god, you must have thought I was a pedophile.

"My Everest Logan," you said, and smiled.

I swear my heart skipped a beat when you said that. So I leaned over, caressed your cheek, and kissed your crimson lips.