Pointed Fingers & Rosary Promises

Chapter 25: Gotta Do Better

Chapter 25

"When you cry who wipes your tears?When you scared, who's telling you there's nothin to fear? Girl I'll always be there when you need a shoulder to lean on never hesitate knowing you can call on, your soul-mate" -Ja Rule
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Lena

I laid on the hospital bed watching Ronnie sit in the rocking chair near by. He was staring at Mateo, and just rocking him back and forth. Giving birth to my little man was the worst pain I've ever been in, luckily since he was so little it was easy to push him out, but that doesn't mean the shit still didn't hurt. All that pain was worth it though, because my little boy is here and he's okay.

"He's so handsome." Mrs.Menunos spoke up.

Her, mama, Papi, and Mr.Menunos all made it to the hospital just before it was time for me to give birth. Mama, and Mrs.Menunos stayed in the room with Ronnie and I while I have birth, and I really appreciate them for that. The whole birthing process was horrible, and I'm exhausted now.

"Yes he is." Mama agreed.

I smiled over at everyone while they all looked down at my baby. I have yet to hold him because he had to get whisked away to get checked up on since he was born early. After that I passed out from the weight of everything of the day, and just woke up twenty minutes ago. Ronnie has been so in love with Mateo I didn't want to take him away from him until he was ready.

Ronnie looked up at me, and gave me a small smile before getting up. He came over to the bed, and passed Mateo over to me. I gladly reached up to grab him and then Ronnie helped me sit up better. After that my whole world was clouded with only Mateo. As soon as I saw him I fell in love, he looked just like both Ronnie and I. He was up now so I could tell how pretty his big eyes were. Just big, brown, and caught your attention just like his daddy's. I'm so blessed to have my little man here. He was so close to not making it, but like everyone else in this family, he's strong.

"He handsome ain't he mami?" Ronnie asked.

I nodded still keeping my eyes on our lil man. He surveyed my whole face while I did the same to him. After a while I smiled at him, and he returned the favor making me chuckle a little.

"We gone love you to the end of time baby boy. Your daddy is gonna protect you, and mommy is gonna love you." I explained to him. "We gotchu."

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"Baby, did you talk to Kayo?" I asked Ronnie while we both sat up in the hospital bed.

He looked down at me, and moved some hair out of my face. "Yea I talked to him."

"And, what's up with the brothers?"

"I had him go ahead and off 'em for me." He admitted. "But it was a slow painful one."

I nodded, and just thought back to yesterday. Everything happened so damn fast, and I was fighting for not only my life, but my baby's. What happened last night is the shit I be talking about when it comes to Ronnie, the shit I be tellin' him I'm scared of. He always, always reassures me that nothing's going to happen, but then I end up in someone's basement on the brink of death. That's why I need him to drop this lifestyle, that and because it's consuming his life when now he's got bigger things to worry about, like the safety of his child.

He wanted to just go jump back in the streets and do some other stuff instead of coming up to the hospital and shit like that worries me. It worries me that it's always gonna be his street shit over his family, and I don't want Mateo growing up to feel like that. Plus I need to feel not only safety for my child, but myself too and I won't feel like that as long as he's running the streets all day and night.

"Thanks for not going back and handling them yourself Ronnie. I really needed you here all day." I told him. He leaned down and kissed me.

"Of course. You know even if I had handled them I would've been here for you Lena. I wasn't going to leave you to do this alone."

"I know, but I needed you here from start to finish. I don't want you to leave and go handle some shit, and then that be it. You could've very well not been able to see Mateo even be born if something would have went down when you first left yesterday, and you could've left me here to do this all by myself if you would have went back to handle them. You gotta pick and choose your battles Ronnie, especially the ones the concern your life. 'Cause I cain't do this shit without you."

He nodded, and stared at me for a long time while I just stared back. "Lee, yknow I'm not leaving you to do any of this alone. You ain't ever gone have to be a single mother mami. You know I'm gone come home to you each and every day."

"I don't know that though. You don't know that!" I pointed out.

He wants so badly say that he knows nothing will ever happen to him, and I want to believe him, but there's no guarantee as long as he chooses the streets. We gone always be scared for his life as long as he's doing the shit so he can't keep promising me these things.

"I do know that Lee. I know I ain't ever leaving you to be a single mother, you won't ever have to."

"You promising me that Mr.Menunos?" I asked. He cracked and smile and nodded.

"That's a promise."

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Ronnie

It ended up being just me and Mateo up since Lena had fell asleep. I was holdin' him and just walking around the room. I can't believe my little man is here already, he here and he healthy not one problem with him. I ain't know what type of shit would happen with him knowin' the shit they had done to Lena. Really Mateo shouldn't even be here right now, but my son is a fighter, just like his mama and his daddy.

"You strong already man. You gone be a beast when I'm through with you though. We gone train every weekend like I did with your granddaddy. " I told him.

He was sleep and don't understand shit yet, but that don't mean I don't be talkin' to my little man.

"I cain't wait to get you and yo mama out of here."

And that's truth. I really can't. At first I was gone get us out of here whenever I could make it happen, but now that Mateo is here, I'm ready to do bigger things than this street shit. I got an example to set for my little man and this drug shit ain't the one. I want him to look up to his dad and want to be like me, but I don't even want to be like me. This life ain't shit and I don't want my son to aspire to an ain't shit life style. I gotta do better, but it ain't finna be easy.

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So close to the end 😔

BeautyAndTheBrain