Supernatural X Reader

Tell Me I'm a Wreck ~ Dean x Reader

∆ Based on the song "Tell Me I'm A Wreck" by Every Avenue ∆

This was actually written by @blueasafrostgiant

I could have been easier on you
I could have been all you held onto

Dean didn't like to dwell on the fact that it was his fault you were gone. He was too hard on you, and he knew that you weren't unbreakable. He should have gone easier on you.

I know it wasn't fair, I tried my best to care about you

He tried to be there for you, but with all the pressure he'd been under lately, it had been hard for him to push past the stress and the strain of his hunting life.

I know I could have been a better man
But I always had to have the upper hand

Dean always did like having the last word, whether it was just a discussion, or a heated argument: he always pushed it that little bit too far. This meant that you ended up angry with him, but more than angry you were disheartened and upset. He never used to act like that.

I'm struggling to see the better side of me
But I can't take all your jabs and taunts
You're pointing out my every fault

Whenever alcohol had an influence on Dean's behaviour, this would often spark conflict between you and him. He would yell at the top of his voice and point out to you everything that you hated about yourself, the things you'd tell him whenever he came to fix you when you broke down, nothing he would ever dare to say to you when he was sober.

And you wonder why I walked away

You didn't need this, you'd told yourself. As much as you loved Dean, you couldn't take much more of the arguing; his words hurt more than physical blows.

When you tell me I'm a wreck
You say that I'm a mess

When he would yell at you, you would always cry. You hated the fact that you seemed so weak in front of him, because just one or two of the right words could make the tears fall, and he would call you out on that, too.

"You're a mess, (Y/N)!" he'd shout. "You're weak, pathetic!"

You knew that he wasn't thinking, but the words still stung.

How could you expect anything less?

Dean knew that he wasn't good enough for you, and when his darker side came out, he was only proving to you what he already knew. He'd tried, but in his eyes he could never try hard enough for you.

You latched onto me then cried that I strung you along

Often Dean's tirades would involve screams of "did you ever love me?" and "do you only stay with me so you don't have to be alone?" It always cut you deep when he even suggested this, that he thought you would use him like that.

I told you when you asked
I knew this wouldn't last
At least I could be honest about that

Dean had suspected from the beginning that things between you and him wouldn't work out, and he'd told you this, but you both decided to go through with it anyway. You thought that you would make it work if you tried hard enough.

And now you're telling everyone
How I only did you wrong

After your fights, you would go out with your friends to calm down and take your mind off the storm that still raged at home. Your friends would ask what was wrong, and you'd tell them that you and Dean weren't working out so well, that maybe pursuing a relationship with him wasn't such a good idea, after all.

I guess you never knew me at all

When he came home drunk and rambling about anything and everything, you would always get irritated, wishing that he would at least try to stay sober for a month.

"I thought you were better than this," you'd say in a soft tone, trying to avoid invoking his anger.

He'd squint at you, his usually bright green eyes dulled by a haze of drunken absence, and he'd say, "(Y/N), do you even know me at all?"

Remember on my 21st birthday
You took me where we went on our first date

That memory, at least, started out happy. You and Dean had gone out to the restaurant where you'd had your first date, and the second you had stepped in the door you'd been overwhelmed with memories from that date, the sound of his laughter at your bad joke replaying in your mind. But the sweetness wouldn't last long.

We stayed till closing time after 4 glasses of wine

It was more than 4 glasses of wine, actually, closer to 6 or 7, and you were only just able to complete a train of thought coherently.

You started with a pointless argument
You said that I forgot to compliment
The dress you wore that night
That I've seen a thousand times

Of course, after drinking that much, you had no control over what you said. You started hissing angrily at him that he was supposed to compliment you on how much time and effort you'd put into your look that night, since you usually never wore dresses or that much make-up.

"I've seen that dress a thousand times, (Y/N)," Dean had replied through gritted teeth.

"But Dean," you'd protested, "you're supposed to tell me I'm beautiful in this dress, how it highlights the good things about my body."

But I think we just want different things
I want space, you want a diamond ring

It was true that you wanted Dean to commit to the relationship as much as you did, and you'd even thought about getting married one day, but it was pretty clear to you that hunting had to come before romantic relationships. At least, that was Dean's priority.

Whatever made you think we were meant to be?

After a while, you kind of stopped trying to force the relationship to work, and you wondered more and more frequently why you'd ever thought it would work between you and Dean. What had ever made you think that you and him were a good match?

Still I see you standing there
Waiting 'round for me to fall

Sometimes you would stand around in the doorway, lost in your thoughts, wondering if it would be worth another shot with Dean. But you weren't sure if you could take the drunken fights and the yelling and the distance all over again. You weren't sure if you were ready to fall into his arms again.

Girl you must be crazy
Still believing you and me belong

You knew you were crazy whenever you thought that there was even the slightest chance that you could give it another go, that if you and Dean gave each other a second chance it might just work out this time around. You tried to convince yourself that it just wasn't meant to be, that you should leave well enough alone, but the more you thought about it, the more you knew you had to try.

I guess you never knew me at all

No matter how much Dean told himself that you were better off without him, that you wouldn't forgive him for the way he'd acted, you proved him wrong, because you came back.

You would always come back.

(-blueasafrostgiant)

_~_~_~_

Zamalda here, I am on vacation at the moment and I don't have wifi other than at one location, so if you message me I might not get it. Sorry and I love you guys!!