Pain // n.g.

33

Rebecca's POV

1 Month Later

Nothing has gotten better. In fact, things have gotten worse. Of course I still have all my friends, but nothing feels right without him around.

I've slipped into depression. I know I really shouldn't be feeling like this, but I guess when you love somebody that much and think you're going to be with them forever only to find out you weren't good enough so they resorted to cheating on you it'd hit you kinda hard.

I really need him, but he doesn't want me. It's all an act, everybody keeps saying. He just wants me back because he thinks I'm the only person who would go out with him considering the entire school knows what he did.

At the moment I was at the movies with Alice. She does stuff like this to make me feel better even though she knows it won't cheer me up, but that's what I love about her.

I wasn't paying attention to the movie. I'm thinking. Thinking about how long it's going to take me to get over him and I eventually came to the conclusion of never. At least, it seemed that way.

The movie finally ended and we made our way out, not saying anything until we got into the car.

" So how'd you like it? " She asked.

" Al, you know I hate the minions. " I rolled my eyes.

" What were you thinking about this time. " She sighed. She was the only one who knew about my depression. Not even Cass knew about it, mostly because Alice is the only one who's experienced it before.

Her older brother died a couple of years ago. She told us he was in the military and was shot in Afghanistan. She was really close to him, apparently, but got over her depression because she knows that he wouldn't have wanted her to be like that.

" What do you think... "

" Come on, Becca. If somebody cheats on you, they do not love you. If somebody cheats on you, that means they don't care about you as much as they say they do because that means for a split second, or in this case weeks, you were off his mind long enough to put somebody else in his arms that were only meant for you. Dear god, I hope you don't go back to him because you are worth so much more than that. "

I'm not gonna lie, that did make me feel a whole lot better, but I still want Nash back.

" Thanks Alice. " Is all I said.

***
I want to start off by saying that I'm sorry. Sorry for doing this, for leaving you guys behind. Alice, you know why I'm doing this completely. But Cass, Destiny, Shawn, and Matt. You guys don't. I've been depressed. Not just because of Nash, but knowing that I'm not good enough for anybody. Of course I am for you guys but I'm talking about people in the future. I'm just afraid I'm never going to be loved or nobody's going to feel the same way about me and frankly, I don't want to have to deal with that fear. I don't want things to get worse and especially don't want another Nash. Cass, thank you so much for being there. You were my first friend after Alexis and my best one. I love you so much. Alice, you understood me like nobody else did. You have gone through this and always tried to make me feel better even though you knew it wouldn't help. Destiny, your comebacks and sass have always made my day. I don't know how you don't care what other people think but I love that about you. Tell Nash I still love him, but will never forgive him. Thank you all so much. I love you and don't forget me.