✔ | CHASING CARS | T. HIDDLESTON

Chasing Cars (18)

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chapter eighteen

midnight call

Life is so unfair. One day you're smiling, thinking that you've got everything, and that nothing in the world can change it. But that's a goddamned lie. You can lose everything in a blink of an eye. Life is just a second, if we talk metaphorically. You never know when you will take your final breath. You never know when your heart will beat for the last time. You never know when death is going to hit you.

I sat down before I collapsed onto the floor and buried my face in my trembling hands. Blinking briny tears from bloodshot eyes, the tears made wet tracks down my face and dripped from my wobbling chin. I just had heard the bad news from the doctor who called me. It was late, so the hospital cafeteria was empty. Only one or two people sitting in the distance and sipping their coffees, lost in thought, lost in their own problems.

I rummaged into my bag and pulled out my phone, tapping on my contacts and scrolling down to the letter "T". I hesitated, Tom was asleep at those hours. That's what my mind was telling me, but my finger tapped on his name immediately and my hand led the phone to my ear.

I shouldn't be calling, I shouldn't be calling. It's the middle of the night, he's not going to answer, he's busy with the film and he's got to be on set early in the morning...

"Please, pick up...please..." But I was pleading.

"Hello?" Tom said with a husky voice and cleared his throat, although it didn't help too much, "Nicole? It's, two in the morning, are you alright?" I covered my mouth to muffle a sob, "Nic?" He sounded more awake now, "Nicole what's happening?"

"It's mum..."

"Oh God."

"She's gone!" I whimpered and I heard the silence on the other end of the line interrupted by our snuffles.

"I'm so sorry." Tom said in a wobbling voice and clearing his throat again in an attempt to stop crying, "Where are you?"

"...the cafeteria..." I panted, "They called me and I came as fast as I could."

"I'm on my way-"

"No, it's okay, you've got to be on set early in the morning, it's just fine, I just...I just wanted to hear a familiar voice-"

"Are you listening to yourself? Nic, I'm going, they will understand, you hear me?" I nodded frantically, like he was able to see me. I heard his keys jingling, "Nicole?"

"Yes." It was the only word I could articulate.

"Okay, I'll see you soon." I didn't hang up, I didn't want to end that call, "Nicky, I can't drive while I'm on the phone." He never liked it, neither using the speaker.

"Just a little bit longer, please."

"Okay." I hear the door being closed and the engine coming to life, "I'll be there soon, I'll be there soon, don't worry-"

"Tom, I want you to be fully awake, I don't want to lose anyone else tonight, please just-"

"I'm awake, I'm okay. I have to go now Nicky, I'll be there in forty minutes, okay?"

"Yes." I hung up before I regretted it. Dad came to see mum all the time and he said that he was going to do the arrangements for the funeral and all that, I guess he still loved her, but I never forgave him for leaving her. They were not even divorced, and that was what used to give me some sort of comfort while I was in college. That made me think that our family had the chance to be together again. But life isn't the way you want. Never.

My head pounded, I was crying my eyes out sitting at that table. The empty cup of coffee was brushed by my still trembling hands, which I led to my head and held my head down, "I didn't say goodbye." I was torturing myself with the same words over and over again, "I didn't say goodbye, I didn't say goodbye." It was the only thing that came to my mind. I don't know what was happening to me, I don't know if I was passing out, dying, or I was just falling asleep. I just stared blankly at the chair across from me.

"Nicky?" I heard Tom's voice which dragged me out of my absent-mindedness. I felt the urge to hug him. I buried my face in his chest. I was broken. His hand was rubbing the back of my neck, "I'm sorry-"

"Tom, I couldn't say goodbye!" He hugged me tightly, "I couldn't, I wasn't with her when it happened, I let her die alone! I'm a bad daughter!"

"Hush, you're not, you're not." He whispered to my ear, "Come on, I'll take you home." I nodded. We headed to his place. None of us said a word. I sat in the couch and hugged a cushion. What was I going to do? I had nobody left, only Tom and my dad. The tears rolled down my cheeks by their own, I couldn't stop it, they flowed uncontrollably.

I hadn't noticed that Tom wasn't with me, not until he popped up into the living room. His face showed distress and he had wiped his tears so much, his eyes were red and swollen, "I, I thought you'd like to have some sleep, I tidied up the bed." He said softly and I stood up.

"Can I use the toilet?" He nodded. I splashed cold water on my face and combed my hair with my fingers. I saw a broken woman in the mirror. Dark circles under her eyes, skinny, I hadn't been eating properly with all those problems in my life, I spent most of the days at the hospital and the day in which I decided to take a break, to stay at home and visit her the following day, my mum died.

When I came out of the toilet, Tom was standing next to the window and staring at the outside. I took off my shoes and got under the sheets. I rolled onto my side, hiding my face from Tom and I began to cry again, not as quiet as I would have wanted to, because Tom came closer when he heard me and sat in the edge of the bed and caressed my hair, I crawled onto him and hugged him, "It's okay to cry, I'm here. You don't have to be strong all the time, okay?" I nodded and buried my face in his shoulder, "And don't worry, I'm staying until you feel better." I nodded, "You want me to keep talking?" I hummed and answer, Tom gathered the pillows on the bed and we leaned back, "What do you want to talk about?"

"Horses." I said with an affected voice. I fell in love with horses the day I went to the set.

"Horses...alright, erm...today, today we were filming and I fell off the horse, and landed on my bum." A tiny smile popped up on my lips when I imagined it, "The trousers were muddy and, we had to shoot the scene again..."

"You spoiled it." He let out a small chuckle.

"I did, yes..thank goodness it didn't happen to you, you would have been angry the entire day with me for laughing at you...and, and you would have done the thing with your lips, you'd have folded your arms and pouted just like when we were kids...and-" He was crying quietly, "And, probably it'd have made me laugh even more..." Her continued to talk, but I finally fell asleep, praying for waking up and realise that everything was a bad dream.

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Omg! Thanks for the 1K reads guys, I'm so happy that you helped me to reach it. Please do leave your thoughts and I'd very happy if you shared this story with your friends, thanks again! ❤

Love, Liz.