✔ | CHASING CARS | T. HIDDLESTON

Chasing Cars (36)

❀❃❀❃❀

chapter thirty six

letters

Everyone stared at me when the doors opened and the music began to play. College friends, family, everyone was there or it was what I thought. My eyes met Tom's family. They were there. Except Tom.

At the end of the ceremony, Emma came to me, smiling and congratulating me. She said that Tom was back in America and that he couldn't be on time for the wedding.

"He gave me this." She said giving me a small box and an envelope, "It's for you." I smiled. The rest of the evening were speeches, toasts and dance. I just wanted to go to the hotel room. Honeymoon? There was no honeymoon, I had to go to France in two days and Clay had to attend a meeting the next day.

After a long day in that silly dress, we returned at the hotel, Clay fell asleep in seconds, it wasn't the expected wedding night that everyone talks about. Where your husband brings you champagne and everything gets romantic. The only romantic thing in that room was a bouquet of roses, well, not even those looked romantic.

I took Tom's present and walked into the bathroom and opened the envelope while I filled the bathtub. It was a letter.

❀

Dear Nicole,

You don't have idea of how happy I am for you. This letter is attached to your wedding gift, I hope you like it. If you're reading this, it means that I'm an arse for not being at your wedding.

It's funny, isn't it? Remember when we promised that we would never get married? I guess that time change that sort of decisions, decisions that were made by a couple of children in the backyard, under the tree house that summer day, but, like I said before, time changes you. Time changes everything, and it has changed me, but it hasn't taken my memories.

I told you about this some time ago, but you couldn't remember, but I remember that Christmas day. I was nine and you were eight. Our parents were in the house while we were in the three house in my old backyard. I found this thing called mistletoe, you said that people had to kiss each other when mistletoe was around, we didn't know why people used to do that, but it looked like it wasn't a bad thing, I remember you said 'my parents do it all the time' and I replied the same so, we tried.

At that time, we didn't even know what we were doing, all we cared about was what were we going to play the next Saturday, when we saw each other again. But then we actually kissed for the play, 'If you can kiss your friend without feeling those butterflies in your stomach, you can kiss any other girl. It's called, to be professional' it was what the teacher said, and I was frightened because I felt those things in my stomach and you were not even part of the play.

I wish so badly that I could've been present to see you wearing that dress, to see you walking down the aisle holding the bouquet of pink flowers that you talked about during weeks and see that beautiful smile of yours spreading onto your face, I know you looked perfect. But, honestly, I couldn't stand to see you getting married to a man who isn't me, I took so long, you were always that girl. You're the only one who understands all the silly things I do and I say, the one that lightens up my darkest days. It's always been you, always, and I'm a fool for not telling you when I had the chance. I cannot do anything now, it's too late.

I don't know if you're going to hate me for this, I don't like him. And not only because he's your husband now, I don't like him. I thought he was the right guy, but he's not. He's arrogant, he might love you, of course, but he doesn't treat you right all the time, he doesn't take care of you as he should. I know I'm not in the right to say this, but I'm saying it anyway, he doesn't deserve you.

I hope you had a wonderful wedding day, I hope you danced a lot and had fun. The best wishes to the happy couple.

Love, Tom

Ps. This is stupid but I need to ask you the question that I was afraid to ask in the last couple of months, I know it's too late now, but I just need to ask you. Oaks, will you marry me?

❀

I read the last line twice and folded the letter again and put it in the envelope with Tom's handwriting on it. Wiping away the tears that rolled down my cheeks, I grabbed the small box and opened it.

"Oh my gosh." I said under my breath. It was a tiny tree house for my bracelet. I did remember about the mistletoe thing, I didn't remember the details.

Since I hadn't undressed to get in the bathtub, I reached into my pocket for my phone to call Lila.

"Hey, newly wed, tired of your husband already?" She chuckled, "Nicole?"

"What's the biggest mistake you've made in your life? I asked.

The next day I went to her house and showed her the letter. When she read it, she gave me a disapproving stare and we kept silence for a moment.

"All this wouldn't have happened if you had said everything to each other." She said, "I'm sorry, but you two are a couple of fools, you both had feelings for each other, I don't understand how on earth you two didn't notice, and if you did, why did you get married?"

"I don't really know."

"If it was an attempt to make Tom feel jealous, the only thing you made was push him away."

"I never thought Clay was going to propose! And then I saw Tom with Claire, he deserves to be happy!"

"But obviously he's not happy! Je wants you, he's not even seeing that girl anymore, I told you he loved you! What are you gonna do now?" I shrugged.

"I can't divorce one day after my wedding. Are you going to Scotland for the job?" She nodded, "I'm going with you, I'll tell our boss I'm taking the job at the museum and I'll tell Clay that I want to move to Scotland, he'll love the idea, I can start again with Clay and try to forget, all this."

"What? That's stupid. With 'forget about this' you mean Tom, there's no way you can delete him from your life, the only way you will forget about Tom is if you hit your head and get amnesia."

"Or Alzheimer's."

"Are you just going to run away from your problems?" I stood up and walked towards the window. I didn't know what else to do. Suddenly I felt dizzy.

"I have to go. I'll call you." I grabbed my stuff and walked back to my flat. I didn't want to go to Scotland, but if it helped to move on I would.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I remembered that I had to go to the hospital that day for a series of analyses to know if I could develop Alzheimer's, you know, my grandmother had it, my mum had it, so why wouldn't I?

I took a cab to the hospital and a nurse walked me to the office, the doctor was already there.

"I'm so sorry I'm terribly late." I said when I stepped into the room. He ran the analyses which were going to be ready in one month.