✔ | CHASING CARS | T. HIDDLESTON

Chasing Cars (22)

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chapter twenty two

fading away

"Hi baby, how was your day?" Clay asked, he was packing for leaving. Clay was my boyfriend, and stuff was getting serious between us. I met him in Scotland, he helped with the restoration of the Chinese vase as well. We were back in England, I spent three months in Scotland in which we went out almost every day after work. This was the fifth month of our relationship, practically, we felt attracted since the first time we saw each other.

"It was alright. I got you the book you asked yesterday. I went to the library and asked for it." I threw my bag on the couch. We were not living together yet. I used to stay at his place or vice versa. Clay walked towards the couch and he sat next to me, "What?"

"Nothing, you're so beautiful." He said and I smiled. I loved his accent, I really, really loved that bloody Scottish accent, and those beautiful green eyes. He was very tall, I loved to bury my face in his chest when he hugged me, "You sure you can't come with me?" He asked. He was going back to Scotland for a couple of weeks and I had to go to New York, for a small job at the Natural History Museum.

"No, I can't. I asked my boss if I could be assigned to the Russian exhibition thingy in Scotland, but he said no." Clay was leaving the next day and I was leaving one week later.

"Well, I'll call you whenever you want." He pulled me into a hug and he kissed my neck playfully making me giggle, "Would you give me a goodbye present?" He whispered and ran his hand all over my leg.

"No, not this kind of 'goodbye present', it's late and you have to go early tomorrow."

"Okay, let's just watch the TV?"

"That'd be great." I kissed him and cried when he bit my lower lip.

I hadn't seen or talked to Tom in five long months. I always tried to call him, but he never got my calls and I was tired to hear that recorded message with: You have reached Tom's voicemail, please leave a message... and blah, blah, blah. He never checked Facebook, so, I had only seen him in interviews, films, some pictures on the internet, etc. I didn't like to stalk him, but Lila was a fan and she used to tell me everything that happened with Tom according to gossip websites and social media, so the information wasn't completely true.

Lila was the only one who knew about Tom. I hadn't said anything to Clay. I liked to keep it as a secret, I liked to keep that part of me only for me, I did not want anyone asking me questions about him, or about our childhood, those were our and only our moments.

But maybe our friendship was fading away. It was obvious that we were growing apart, and, five months without talking, is a lot of time. There were several nights in which I questioned myself if I did something wrong, and considered the possibility of him being angry with me, and that gave me sleepless nights.

Every night I would make the maths to calculate the time in California, or I would check the world clock in my phone to call him. But then I'd kick that idea off my head, what if he was busy? What if the didn't want to talk to me? And the most painful question that hit my head, what if he forgot about me? And that's when silent tears would fill my eyes and I would hug my pillow tight against my chest. I didn't want to lose my friend, my only true friend.

Clay would hear me crying softly and ask me what's wrong. I'd tell him that I was having a nightmare. Maybe yes. Maybe it was a nightmare, seeing my best friend being successful in what he liked to do made me feel happy, really happy, but I was losing him, or that's what I used to think.

"I'm half asleep." Clay said. We were in bed watching the TV. That day was Friday, "Are you gonna stay late?"

"Yes, I have to finish some stuff." I lied.

"Okay, good night." I kissed him and I got out of the bed and made my way to the living room. His flat was huge, so I grabbed my phone and went to the balcony. I checked my phone and all the calls I had made. I scrolled down and scrolled down until I found the last call I made to Tom. One month ago. It was the last time I tried to talk to him, but he didn't answer and I didn't left a message. I didn't even need to check the time in California I already knew it by heart, London is eight hours ahead of California.

It's ten past eleven here, it's ten past three in the afternoon in California. Maybe he's having a break? I shouldn't call. But, I'd like to say hi, or leave him a voice mail at least.

I hesitated to tap on his name. But I did and I felt something twisting in the pit of my stomach as I waited for his voice, but it was only his recorded voice.

"You have reached Tom's voicemail, I cannot attend your call at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible."

"Hi, Tom. It's Nicole...well, it's obvious, my name's in the caller ID, um, sorry, forget it. How, how are you? I haven't heard from you in a while, apart from your films, I watched one of your films like two weeks ago in the TV. Um, I was calling to say hi..." I felt like a stupid, he wasn't going to hear that voice mail, "But, I'm talking to a machine, so, I'm just gonna hang up. Take care and, goodbye Tom."

I looked up at the sky and swallowed the lump in my throat. I just wanted to throw my phone away. It began to buzz in my hand and I startled. But it was a text from Lila, saying that she'd be late at work the next day.

"I'm off to bed." I muttered to myself.