Big Book Of Parvill One Shots

Cucumber, Really? (S ish)

TW: Mentions of sexy things and what not, slight nsfw, Random AU

William Strife was not a man to take days off from work very often, but the unluckiness of flu season caught up to him. Instead of him doing business and useful things, he was cocooned in a heavy comforter and blankets. Strife was almost one hundred percent better and preparing to go to work when he was sent back to his room by his partner, Parvis. Strife could have tried to protest, but it would be no use. His boyfriend was way concerned about Strife. Even though he hid it with smiles and innuendos. But William knew better.

So, instead of doing something meaningful today, he's stuck with just laying in bed and waiting for Parv to come home. Strife waited patiently for quite a length of time. Growing bored, he decides to get up to do other things rather than stay in his room. Will's legs needed a stretch and his sort-of-not-really sore throat needs a drink.

Strife was in his kitchen doing dishes (because if he didn't, no one would) when Parv came home. Parv always made his presence known because he opens the goddamn door so hard it'd leave marks on the wall. That and most of the time he'd scream something along the lines of "leedleleedleleedle" or "strifey kins I'm homeeeee".

Today, Parv swung the door open not terribly hard but still loud enough to be heard and didn't screech anything at Strife. Instead, he came through the doors with two plastic bags and a rainbow flag clenched between his teeth. Will turned his head, plate and sponge still in each hand.

"Shrife couldf you help?" Parvis asked with the flag in his mouth. Strife rolled his eyes and put down the dish he was scrubbing along with the sponge.

"Where were you today?" Strife scolded gently as he took a bag from Parv's hand. With a free hand Parvis took the flag out of his mouth and tossed it on the counter with a clatter. Will frowned at the amount of slobber on the flag and hesitantly placed the bag next to it.

Parvis lobbed the bag on the kitchen island and strode past William towards the fridge. "Strifey, today was Pride man." He replied without turning around.

"Did you mark it on your calendar?" Strife queried as he returned back to washing the dishes.

"Pffft, no, I don't even have a calendar." Parvis chimed while peering inside of the fridge. Seeing nothing particularly good, he'd just have to settle on an apple.

Strife scoffed and shot back, "Alex there's a freaking calendar on the door of our bedroom."

Parv looked at his smaller partner with confused brown eyes and took a bite of his apple.

"It's been there the day since you forgot band practice three times in a row. Remember? Sparkles came to the house and threw a calendar at you and you decided to keep it." Parv blinked. Strife looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"This apple is good." Will put the last plate in the dishwasher and let a well-deserved sigh out. "So, how was Pride today?"

"It was tons of fun! The band played today, everyone liked it. Some lovely women tried to get us to stay the night but I said I had to home by six. They were really lovely. I don't know if they liked us or our music but either way they reallywanted us to stay." Parvis took another bite of his apple and bent over to lean his arms against the counter.

"Okay, how was Pride besides everyone wanting to screw you." Parv looked mockingly offended.

"Now that's just not fair Strifeykins. Everyone wants to screw everyone. This is Pride we're talking about."

"What about the asexuals there?"

"They would probably want a hug or a fist pump from me then." Parvis claimed, with his head held high.

"Alright, enough with your ego, what's all these bags?" Strife asked as he peeked through the bag on the left of the island. He picked out a black t-shirt with disappointment. "Oh jeezus, how much money did you spend? Do we reallyneed more "Fear the queer" t-shirts for me? I already got three of them in the wrong sizes."

"Yeah I bought the usual fair for us...." The black haired man paused as he stood back up. "And something different."

Will stopped looking through the bag and snapped his head up. "Did you get a fucking cock ring I swear to god-"Parv waved his hands frantically. "Okay, good, I'm all ears."

"Something even better Will..." He trailed off with a final bite to his apple and flicked the core into a waste bin by his feet. Parvis gave a dangerous smile and slid the bag on the right over to the businessman.

Strife raised his blonde eyebrows, and opened up the crumpled bag curiously. He felt the tips of his freckled ears warm up. He'd never see so many colorful assortments of condoms in his life.

William raised his eyes to meet Parvs. "What.... The fuck...is this....." He motioned with his hands.

"Condoms Will, oh my godddd!" The taller man whined.

"I get that Alex, but why so many?" Strife hissed.

"I'm collecting flavored condoms to use and test out so I can review them on my blog!" William Strife was lost for words.

Strife straighten out his back and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose.

"Oh c'mon Strifeyyyyyyy! I could get paid for trying out condom brands if my blog gets popular enough!" Will lowered his hand at the mention of money.

"Yeah money Strife, plus sex! Money and sex! Our favorite things!" As a small smile passed Strife's lips Parvis knew hedefinitely won his boyfriend over.

"I..... I guess I'll give it a shot." Will sighed running his hand through blonde locks.

"Awesome! So I got watermelon, cherry, orange, chocolate, lemon, banana, vanilla, and cucumber. Which one do you want to use now?"

"Uhh, chocolate- Wait why, what do you mean?" Parv looked at him and splayed his hands in a 'what do you think' gesture.

Oh. Oh.

Credit to italiathekidpasta on tumblr