rants of a shitty teen

distancing myself

I have just come upon the realization that I distance myself from almost everybody who tries to get close to me. like, I was just texting my mom and she asked me to get her some pjs while in town, and I started thinking that it'd be pretty cool if one day I could go to town and come back with a bunch of clothes and books and music that she likes, when I realized that I don't know anything about what she likes. literally, the only thing I can tell you for certain about my mother is that she has two middle names, her favorite color is green, and she likes luke Bryan's music.

that's it.

and it's not even just my mom. like, as much as I hate to say it, I probably can't tell you my best friend's favorite color or favorite song because I don't invest as much time as I probably should in that kind of stuff. sorry kayla.

I'm starting to regret going on dates with Ryan because I don't know anything about him yet here he is paying for me for everything we do and here I am scared to ask him to homecoming because once again, I don't know shit about the kid except that he's occasionally funny and complements me at times and that's it.

I think the worst thing here is that I don't even know myself anymore. I mean, not really. when somebody tells me to describe myself or something like that, I can't ever say anything because I don't know who I am. as weird as it sounds, I think I distance myself from myself and I hate it.

and I think that's something I need to work on.

this is why I'm going on a hiatus. and not for three years like fob or two years and counting like mcr, but for a month. that's it.

I'm taking a month away from here, from all social media, really, to figure out who I am and what I like and what I plan to do with my life because as of right now, I have none of that figured out. and I think a month alone will help me.

and I hate this, I hate it so much, because I'd like to think that all of you guys that talk to me on here or vote on my stories or even just acknowledge my existence are my friends, my family. and it hurts to leave, no matter how long.

wow I'm getting sentimental and I know for certain that I am not some sentimental bitch come on emotions stop feeling things

this is really dumb, but I'd just like to call some people out and thank them for just being great to me.

adelaide, you're probably a better friend to me than what you realize. you're literally a life saver, and I thank you so much for talking to me that night because it's doubtful that I'd be here right now. also you're pretty great in general and yeah I suck at words.

Julie, you're actually so awesome and you comment on almost every single one of my chapters and we are so alike it's scary. but you are such a great person and yayyy for friends :-)

kawaii-dsh I don't actually know your name, which is a shame because you're super amazing. you are literally one of the prettiest people I've ever seen in my life like don't even deny it bc wOw. you vote on a lot of my stories too and it really means a lot to me, so thanks.

I'm running out of time (I have algebra and I'm procrastinating so hard rn) so I'm just gonna kinda ramble and why am I still giving a speech wow I'm stupid

doitnowanddoitloud, analfrerard, fnughoul and so many more thanks guys, you're really great people and I love you allllll :-)

I've typed so much I feel like I won an Emmy and can't stop ranting on stage bc yes that would be me

so now, I'm gonna say hello to the real world and my mom and dad, and say goodbye to you guys, my real friends, my family. I'm gonna post this and immediately delete this app, but you can bet your fucking asses that on the morning of October 13, I'll have this life-ruining little fucker downloaded faster than you guys wake up, and I'll be back to annoy you all ☺️

so thanks guys, I love you.

✌️ peace out bitches ✌️