More Than This

Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer's Day

A/N:

Hi!  This is my first attempt at creative writing.  A friend told me to try it out, to keep me from getting insane.

I am a Corporate Slave.  My boss drives me crazy, but I think I am crazier for doing this! Hahaha.

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The sound of rain peltering on my office window is making me sleepy.  I stare blankly outside. My hands cupping my cheeks while my elbow rests on my desk. The weather matches my mood, cold and gray.

I blame Quarter Life Crisis. A fancy phrase conjured for people in my age bracket, who apparently experiences "real-life" stress.  Like life in High School is not real enough.  Wikipedia says that "common symptoms of a quarter life crisis are often feelings of being lost, scared, lonely or confused".  On point.

But is my crisis real or imagined?  I think I am fairly "successful" compared to my peers, I try to convince myself. 

Career? Check!  At 25, I manage a group of 5 IT guys, or boys, I should say because they act like one most of the time.  We generally take care of anything IT related in the company.  I like working with men, or boys, in general.  They do not have "those days", they are not gossipy (but you would be surprised they actually do sometimes) and they treat me like the Queen.  I always tell them I am the only one who has monthly periods therefore I have the sole right to be moody.  Of course, it helps they all report to me directly so yes, I am the boss, well at least in my department.

Trappings of success? Check! I drive my own car.  I live on my own in a leased apartment.  Gadgets are my life, generally because my work depended on it.  I have a gym membership, which is rarely used anyway because I am lazy as fùck.  I have to thank genetics for my built despite my love affair with chocolates.  I eat these, in moderation, and by moderation I mean like I have a stock of chocolate bars in the fridge that tempt me everyday. 

Friends? Check!  I have a few, like maybe fewer than my fingers.  I choose to keep my circle rather tight mainly because I have low tolerance for bullshit.  I am quite choosy on who I interact with.

Social life?  Imaginary, yes.  I don't smoke and I don't drink so I generally try to shy away from parties. I do drink wine once in a while, but other than that,  I can't tolerate alcohol or rather the effects of it.  I only got drunk twice in my life.  One in high school where I ended up kissing a boy, who teased me endlessly but made out with me when we both got smashed in a party.  He became my boyfriend a month after that!  But that is another story.  The other time I got too much to drink is in College where I ended up skinny dipping in the pool while others were partying in the house nearby.  That ended up with another boy-relation, yet again.  So yes, with two strikes, I think I learned my lesson on the harmful effects of drinking.

Love life? My "drunken" history is material to this.  So while I have dated, got into a relationship, and what have you, I have yet to experience that mind blowing kind of love.  One where you come close to being mad from all the wanting and hating you feel all at the same time.  Admittedly, although it defies logic as it is, I really feel that no amount of "success" is ever worth it till I have that crazy stupid love.  I guess this is where I derive my so called quarter life crisis is stemming out from.  That in spite of everything I have right now, I have yet to experience that fire within me.  The kind that refuses to die and burns me and warms me at the same time.

In summary, like a blurb from the technical papers I write often, my life right now is pretty much predictable.  Boring.  Uneventful.  Fireless.

"Hey Alex!" My friend Molly called out as she knocks on my open office door, which snaps me out of my thoughts. "Let's lunch!  The monster in my tummy is growling and needs to be fed, pronto. "