More Than This

Face Your Fears

Oh my!!! 21k reads! Tysfm!!!! ❤️ Thank you for the reads, the votes, and the comments 😊

Y'all make me so giddy and happy. 😊

For this chapter I have a song inspiration. Please listen to The Last Time by Taylor Swift and Gary Lightbody. That is the song that is playing in my mind while doing the last part of this chapter. Look it up in YT ❤️

Again thanks Loves! You all had been gracious! A noob writer like me gets so excited at every read, comment and vote! ❤️❤️❤️

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I stare at Josh, whose arms are still wrapped around my waist, holding me close to him. His eyes staring into mine, his lips tucked in between his teeth.

"Speak now or forever hold your peace," I say, stiffling a laugh, not to spoil the joke.

"I'll leave you two alone," Allen offers. He gives us a quick wave and he leaves the room.

"What really brought you here, Josh," I ask with one brow raised. I don't know why, but the way I see him looking at me, something unpleasant is forthcoming.

Josh hugs me tighter by my back. He releases me then holds my cheeks and kisses my forehead. "I will be leaving soon," he finally says something. But that something doesn't feel right at all.

I smirk to dismiss the tension I feel at the pit of my stomach. "To where? And why are you being so dramatic?" I playfully hit his arm with my fist. I don't believe time and distance can ruin what we have.

He scratches his neck as he looks on the floor. More dramatic pause. "Lexie, I was offered a job, in China."

"And?" I cross my arms, still waiting for the punch line.

"Our company has put up an office there and they asked me to lead the setup of the research facility," he explains. Of course, I know there's more to it. He pauses and looks at me as if he is waiting for a response, where I have none to offer, for now at least.

"And," he sighs deeply. "Hannah decided to come with."

Wait, did I hear that right? "Hannah will be joining you?" My tone a tad higher. I feel my face flush, like I have been slapped. Hannah and Josh are names I depise together in a sentence, much more in real life.

"Hannah will be getting a job as an English teacher, she is coming so we can co-parent," he explains but nothing is making sense to me right now.

"Co-parent by going to China with you? Psh! Why don't you just say you're together now," I feel tears streaming down my cheeks. Wait why am I reacting this way.

He looks at me, with furrowed brows in confusion. "Lexie," he holds my arm but I wiggle out of it.

I don't know what got over me but I am confused and hurt and overwhelmed all at the same time. Why is this happenning. Why am I so freaking upset?

"Alex," Harry calls me. "Are you crying, love?" He approaches me and wraps his arms on me.

"What did you do?" He sounds hostile towards Josh.

"Look, I did not do anything to her," Josh says with his hands up up in defense.

"Calm down," I hold Harry back. "No one did anything."

"Why are you crying then," Harry demanding an explanation.

"Nothing to do with you, or us, Harry," I assure him. The last thing I need now is more drama.

I pull Harry away and talked to him alone. He will be leaving tomorrow and we can't end our day together like this. But while explaining to him what actually happened and hearing me speak their names, my heart pounds faster.

"Why are you so upset then," Harry asks chuckling.

I nudge at him. "Fuck, I don't even know why," I mumble on my hands that are covering my face as I shake my head sideways.

"You need to sort this out, Alex," Harry says in a rather calm tone. Rubbing my back to comfort me. "You will be leaving soon, too, like him. Don't leave any unresolved issues.  Be brave and face your fears."

What fears is he talking about? I don't have fears.

Harry insists that I need to seriously  talk with Josh. He offered to leave to give us space. I didn't protest anymore. I had spent so much time with Harry to probably last me a lifetime. Harry promised to check on me later. He is sweet like that.

We said our goodbyes and I saw them to the door. 

I have mixed feelings right now. Sad that Harry and I will be away from each other for a long time  and anxious of what will come about from facing my fears, as Harry puts it.

I walk back to the dining room and see "fear" eating with Allen. "Lexie, join us, you look like you need to eat," Allen motions me to sit beside him.

I obliged and sat beside Allen. I leaned my head on his shoulders and held on his arm, like I needed help but I'm just too proud to verbalize it. I see Josh glance at me, but quickly looks away.

Allen nudges me to sit straight and eat. "Eat now, drama later, okay?"

"Yes, Sir" I give him a salute and all three of us shared a laugh.

After dinner, Josh and I slumped on the couch by the living room. No one seem to have the courage to start that inevitable conversation.

After about a minute of awkward silence, Josh took the initiative to ease towards me and leaned on me, while he wrapped one of his arm by my waist.

While there were no words exchanged between us, I was consumed with an overwhelming sadness. Tears started spilling out like a dam broke.

"Hey, I thought you'd be happy for me," he wipes my tears away.

"I am, these are happy tears," I fake a smile, while crying.

"You probably need professional help then," he nudges me, smirking.

Josh seems to be happy, and us being friends, close friends at that, I want nothing but happiness for him. Yes Alex, continue to make yourself believe that.

"I, uh, Lexie..." His voice trails off. He turns and to face me and he prods me to do the same. He takes both my hands and raises these towards his lips. "I'm sorry. For everything I did and didn't do." He sighs deeply. "For all the pain I have caused you.  You deserve better. You have nothing but good to me," his voice cracks. "I just have to do this for me. I know you may not agree for now, but hopefully someday you will."

His words felt like a hammer to my heart, shattering it into pieces. I get it. He loves Hannah. It has always been her, like it was in High School. He chose her, not you, Alex. You pushed him away, this is what happens.  Live with it.

I wipe away whatever is left of my tears and mustered enough courage to say something. 

"Whatever makes you happy, Josh," I bite my lips, preventing any emotions to spill out.

Yes, that is the right thing to say. Now if only I can get my heart to agree, too.