More Than This

Sad Eyes

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My heart is doing a happy dance now 😂💜

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I strategically sit across Harry, so I can see him eye to eye. The table between us serves as my fort against him. Shit is about to happen.

I lean back and rest my elbows on the chair. I cross my legs and look at him straight in the eye. Both of us silent.

"How have you been, love?" Harry breaks the silence.

That love thing gets on my nerves. "Still breathing," I curtly reply.

He chuckles. "Of course! You, uhm, you look different, I mean your hair, it looks good on you,"

"Thanks," I faintly smile. "Your hair looks good on you, too," I say mimicking him. I bite my lips to stop myself from snickering.

He didn't mind the remark. As if he didn't hear it. "And you look pretty in a dress. Haven't seen you dressed like that," he points at my dress, as he continues to flatter me, trying to win me with his bedimpled smile and charm.

"Uhm, thanks. You, might look pretty in a dress, too," I chuckle. Clearly I'm being testy.

"Uhm, that one I haven't tried yet," he fake laughs. He rakes his hair and rubs his neck. "Ok, I get it, you're angry with me," he says as he raises both hands as if to signal defeat.

"Yea, you got that right, Mr. Styles. 100 points for you, ding!" I hit the table with one hand to mimick hitting a button.

He smiles at me, but his eyes are sad. "I know you might think I'm the most horrible person in the world right now," he says as he squeezes his hands together, and leans forward with his elbows on the table.

I nod at him, in concurrence to his claim. "Ok, continue," I say while my eyes roll in anticipation of a lame excuse.

"Allen talked to me after Josh left. I may have an idea what Josh told you," he says as he continue to squeeze his intertwined fingers together.

I get the feeling that I wouldn't like where this conversation is going. I cross my arms by my chest. "And?" I wanted to end all the bullshit and just go to the freaking point.

"It's true," he says as he stares at me. Wait, what? Fuck! I feel like my tears are about to drop anytime soon but no, I have to fake me being strong.

"Ok,". I take a deep sigh. I'm not expecting that. "So what do you want from me, Harry?" If looks could kill, he'd be dead by now. "You've gotten what you wanted from me, what more do you want?" My hands are trembling as I speak.

He shakes his head while looking at the table. "Please don't say it like that, Alex." He looks at me still with sad eyes. Don't let that fool you, Alex. I remind myself.

"What should I say then?" I stand up with clenched fists. I don't care if you are the Harry Freaking Styles, I will punch you in the face now.

"Alex, please," he asks as he stands up and grabs my wrist. "Please listen to me first, please sit down," he begs.

I didn't sit but instead I unleashed my resentment to him. "You have a girlfriend and you mess with me? Why?" I shake my wrist out of his grip. I stare at him demanding for an answer.

He however just keeps quiet. I can hear both of us breathing, struggling for words to come out. I can't take this. "Sorry, but I don't have time for your bullshit, Harry," my tone a tad higher.

He didn't say anything but just pulled me close for a tight hug instead, as if to comfort me. My arms though, remain on my side. He rests his head on top of mine. I can feel his lips against my head. My face squished on his chest, his scent triggers past memories. I am torn between wanting and hating, for now, hating wins so I push him away, with all that I have.

"I should have known," I fake laugh. "You breaking my phone would be a precursor to you breaking my heart," I stretch my hands upward and my head tilts upward to the sky, "fuck you universe!" I smirk as I face him again. Harry is just staring at me, still with sad eyes, but I'm not done ranting yet.

"You hurt me, Harry. You hurt me really bad!" My eyes does not leave his. I have a burning desire to slap him but I stopped myself. I take deep breathes.

"But thank you," my tone softens. "Thank you for all the moments we shared. I never felt more alive than those times." I smile at the thought of all our moments together, like they are flashing by me. It is not a sarcastic thank you, but really a sincere one. I reached out to him and held both his hands.

"This is very much my fault as it is yours," I faintly smile at him. My emotions are running high. I have been pleasantly surprised, shocked, angered and now resigned, I can feel a breakdown any moment now. Stay positive, Alex. I remind myself. You are over this now. You've shed rivers of tears over him. Enough already.

"Thank you, and goodbye." I got close to him, raised my hand and touched his cheek. I kiss him quickly on the same spot. He got surprised by that.

I pick up my bag and leave. I walk away, hoping that Harry will not follow me but also wishing he will. But I hear no footsteps, no one calling my name. My chest tightens and tears fall down my cheeks as I walk away. I feel so stupid right now. Fuck feelings.

And as if on cue, rain begins to fall. Thanks universe, I know this is you mocking me for calling you out earlier.