More Than This

The Sad Thing

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Few more chaps.
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"I left you a note. It's there in the drawer," Harry says pointing at the table beside me. "Whatever I failed to say to you, or not said enough, it's there."

Harry left hours ago and I still could not get myself to look at that note. I'm so scared to see what he wants to say, that he can't say in person. But I need distraction. The nurse just informed me I need to go to ultrasound, too. Too many procedures to look forward to in about an hour from now.

I hesitantly open the the drawer expecting an envelope or a letter but there's none. Instead, it's just my phone with the earphone plugged in. Harry must have used it earlier. As I pick it up, i see that there is a folded paper, the size of a post it.

How can he fill this up with all the words he wanted to say? I carefully unfold the mystery and it reads:

Listen to the H&A playlist I made. Imagine me singing these to you. H x

My heart skips a beat. Harry is such a random romantic. So he made a playlist, in my phone. It is rather cheesy really, but it is the small things like this that endears him to me.

I open Music and check out the playlist. I shake my head at what I see, Harry has every intention to make me cry.

His first choice of song, though. I couldn't help but snicker - Where do Broken Hearts Go by One Direction. How loyal.

The rest, I'm familiar with. But to listen to these in the context of Harry's feelings, it might give a new meaning.

Free Fallin' - John Mayers
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Look After You - The Fray
Photograph - Ed Sheeran
Fast Car - Tracy Chapman
Wonderwall - Oasis
The Man Who Can't be Moved - The Script
I'll Be - Edwin McCain
Iris - Googoo Dolls
Jealous - Labrinth
The Scientist - Cold Play
Say Something - A Great Big World
Collide - Howie Day
Let Her Go - Passenger

By the time I hear Coldplay, I lose it. I'm practically bawling. Why is this happenning? I pull out my earplugs and paused the song.

By impulse, I swipe my phone and tap contacts. Harry.

The phone rings. One. Two. Three rings. No answer. I tap the red button. Shit. Space. We agreed to give each other space. And freedom. Fuck. Who thinks this way? And why did I agree to this?

I'm tempted to ring him back. But no. Pride. Yes, let pride take over.

"Lexie!" I hear Allen's voice. I look up and indeed, there he is, with Josh.

"Lexie, you got me so worried!" Allen says in frustration as he hurriedly sits beside me. "I just knew something was wrong with you," he says shaking his head, clasping both my hands.

"I'm fine. I'm not dying," I let out a dry laugh.

"Shush your mouth Alex," Josh says and he looks annoyed. "Don't joke about things like that."

"Yeah, Lexie. Please?" Allen has worry written all over his face.

"Where is Harry anyway." Josh asks.

"He left earlier. Management called." I roll my eyes and sigh. "By the way," I say crossing my arms and side eyeing Josh. "Why did you punch Harry?"

Josh snorts. "He should be thankful I didn't do it twice."

Allen looks at Josh. "Really?" He says like he didn't believe it.

"Anyway," Josh says. He walks toward the window and talks with out facing us. "He was an A Grade asshole," he scoffs. "But I get it, Alex." He turns to face me. "You love him.  So I'm holding back any judgement or grudge that I may have." He smiles his best fake smile. Like I can't see through him. I roll my eyes in annoyance.

"But he does love you, Alex." He says oh so convincingly.

"Yeah, right." I respond. I know Josh is just rubbing it in.

"No really." Josh insists. "What I saw last night, made me a believer." he says. He does not look happy, though.

"Last night, when you passed out, after I caught you from running away," Josh narrates. "I panicked. I was screaming for someone to get a cab. Then I saw Harry running towards us. With some paps chasing after him." He says.

"Ok..." I say. I barely remember what happened. This seems interesting, well except for the fact that I fainted, which is why I am where I am now.

"Someone hailed a cab, and helped me carry you. Harry being there, and of course, I blame him for everything, I felt the urge to punch him." Josh says. Allen is chuckling beside me.

"And so you did!" I butt in. But we all kind of laughed together. Imagine Josh punching The Harry Styles. I'm sure he didn't hold back.

"Yeah, I think a pap or two even caught that." He sighs. "He didn't fight back, you know. Instead he got up and pushed himself to be in the cab with us." He says shaking his head.

"Go on," I prod him.

"His phone kept flashing, people were calling him. But he ignored all calls. Harry just kept asking the driver to drive faster." Josh says. "By the time we got to the hospital, he held your hand all the time. Talking to you and telling you how sorry he was and asking you to wake up. He was frantic with worry."

Wow. Why didn't Harry tell me that earlier.

Josh goes on. "When the doctors determined that your vitals are stable, that's the only time he excused himself and answered his calls. I heard him arguing and saying 'fix it, that's your job' and 'I don't care. I'm not leaving her.' He then talked to me and said that
he will stay with you till morning. He asked me to call your parents and Allen and assure them that you are safe and sound." Josh narrates.

"He did all that?" I ask Josh. My heart aches. I suddenly got worried about the paps and his commitments.

Josh nods. "You know, that's when I knew." He pauses and smiles at me. Sincerely it seems. "When he was willing to let go of Harry the celebrity and just be Harry, your boyfriend. I knew that he loved you." He muses.

And the sad thing is that, I think, I just ruined that good that is happening to me.