Love Buzz - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

Chapter Forty Six

I heard the sound of a beeping monitor and I knew exactly where I was. 'The hospital, my favorite place.' I thought to myself as I tried to come to and wake up. My vision was a little blurry as I struggled to open my eyes. I felt a hand holding mine, and for a split second I thought it was Kurt, but then I realized I was dead wrong. Shelli was sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing my hand. "Hey babe, how ya feelin?" She asked. "I would say really shitty, but that's sorta an understatement." I replied with a hoarse voice. "Where's Frances?" I asked her, worrying where my daughter was. "She's with Krist and Dave in the waiting room." She assured me. "What about the baby? How's the baby? Please tell me its okay Shelli. Please." I spat out as I suddenly remembered eveything that happened. Her face dropped and suddenly went pale as tears filled her eyes. "Shell.." I whispered, looking at her and putting my hand on my empty womb. "I'm so sorry, Jade. They did all they could do." She squeezed my hand as tears overflowed in her eyes. "But, no. It can't be right. This isn't right. No.." I cried as my heart shattered to pieces. I had never felt such an overwhelming feeling of saddness and doom. I felt so empty, so broken and hollow. "K-Kurt, I need Kurt." I cried out as Shelli climbed in bed with me. "I'll drive you there as soon as they release you okay? I promise." She hugged me tight and tried her best to soothe me, but it wasn't working. I sobbed into her shoulder as my hands clutched the back of her shirt. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, rubbing my back. I didn't know how long I layed there, crying until my eyes were swollen shut. I finally managed to cry myself back to sleep, and when I woke up, Shelli was still sitting there. "Shelli?" I mumbled. "Yeah babe?" She replied. "How am I gonna tell Kurt, Shell? How?" I practically yelled as I cried. She shook her head. "I don't know, Jade. I don't know." She cried as the doctor walked in. "How you feeling? I'm so very sorry for your loss." The man said. "I feel horrible. And I would say its okay, but its not. When can I go home?" I spat out. "Tomorrow, if everything goes well." He said as he checked the monitors. I sighed and closed my eyes. All I wanted to do was sleep, and forget about the world. Thankfully, my exhausted body allowed me to fall asleep quickly. When I woke up, I realized that Shelli wasn't the only one in the room. I heard the sound of my mom's voice and thought I was losing my mind. "Mom?" I whispered, rubbing my eyes. "Hi, sweetie. I'm so so sorry baby." She said a she sat down on the bed and held me close. My mom and I hadn't had the best relationship. But, in this moment, I needed the comfort of my mom, and I was glad she was there. "Its all my fault, I should've done something." I cried into her shoulder. "Jade, honey. It is not your fault, there was nothing you could do." She said as she rubbed my back. There was a knock on the door and the doctor walked in. "You think you're ready to go home?" He asked as he looked through papers in his hand. "What? I thought I was able to tomorrow?" I asked, confused. "It is tomorrow, sweetie. You slept through the night." He slightly smiled as he handed me papers to sign. "Oh. Um, yes. I'm ready." I mumbled as I signed all the papers and handed them to him. "I brought you a pair of sweats and one of Kurt's shirts. I know they're your favorite." Shelli handed me a bag as she walked in. "Thanks, Shell." I said as the doctor unplugged everything. "I'm gonna change, I'll be out in a second." I told everyone as I slowly stood up. All I felt was dizzyness and pain. I slipped on Kurt's shirt and inhaled his scent that still lingered on it. It brought me slight comfort. I couldn't get to him fast enough, but my stomach churned when I realized I had to tell him. Everyone was waiting on me outside the room, including Frances. I held her close to me as Krist handed her over. "I love you." I whispered to her as I held her tighter than ever before. "If you need alone time with Kurt, me and Krist can watch her." Shelli assured me. "Thank you, guys. Can we go now? I need to get to Kurt." I said, sniffling in between words. The nurse helped me to the car, and we were soon on our way to the rehab facility. I felt completely destroyed, like my body was on earth but my soul was dead and cold. I leaned my head on Frances's carseat and drifted to sleep once again.