Love Buzz - Kurt Cobain Fanfic

Chapter Sixty

Two weeks later

I sat like an empty shell in the airport, awaiting to depart to visit Kurt in California, where he had been for the past ten days, sitting in rehab all alone..and probably kicking like a motherfucker. The more I thought about the battle that my husband was trying to win, the more I wished that I could somehow just take it all away from him myself.
It was agony, having to watch him become defeated, having to watch him lose his light, and not being able to do a single thing about it.
I watched the clouds float by underneath me, and wanted very badly to become one with them.
They seemed so light, and my heart felt so heavy.
I arrived at sunset, the sky changing to an odd shade of purple as I walked through the doors of the facility.
I wasn't sure if I were even going to be seeing Kurt..or seeing his demons instead when I walked into the room. It made my heart throb just thinking about it.
I was walked down a long hallway by a kind nurse, and that's the only thing I can remember.
Everything else seemed like a blur as I followed the short woman to the door that would make my hands tremble as I opened it.

"Kurt?" I opened the door and very hesitantly peeked my head into his room.

"Hey." His voice sounded..different.

I observed him carefully from head to toe, my eyes lingering on his ocean blue eyes..the light was still gone.
But there was a spark..a spark that scared me.
He looked tired, and empty, but like something had finally snapped.

"Jade..I want to apologize for the things I said to you, and the way I said them. I'm so sorry. None of this is your fault..please know that it's not your fault. None of it. Look..its going to be alright. It may not be alright in the way you think it will..but it will be alright. You'll see." He told me, his voice numb of any emotion, causing a chill to run through me.

"Its okay, Kurt..I know you didn't mean it.." a slight whisper was all I was able to get out of my throat.

I wanted to hug him, to kiss him..to feel like I actually had him. He stood there looking at me with a look in his eyes that didn't make him seem approachable. He seemed so fucking distant..Kurt was standing in front of me..but he wasn't really there.

I spent a few hours there with him, grasping his hand tightly the most I could..making sure he wouldn't slip away. God, it felt like he could have just vanished into thin air.

"I love you, Jade. God..I fucking love you. Please..remember that.." He told me, forcing me to look into his icy eyes. I had never seen such a look before..it made my heart physically hurt. Something was wrong..something else.

I assured Kurt that I would be back to see him the following morning, and that I was staying at a hotel just down the road.
I sat in the large bath tub of the hotel room, crying my own tub of bath water as I was swallowed up whole by loneliness.