A Wish To Escape

chapter 21

Tristana's POV

I get off the bus and walk into the school. All the way here I had to listen to Paris, Tristan, and Martin talk about some new song that they had heard on the radio.

I tried joining into the conversation, but I kept getting booted out. I don't think they were doing it on purpose, but it kept happening,so I finally just sat back in my seat and put in headphones.

I listened for a few moments with no interruptions, but every one knows peace is impossible to find on a school bus. A couple of the kids (namely Layla and her friend Emma) started singing out some new chant they'd learned. It said something about peace and captain crunch. I don't know but it was interrupting my music.

I was not in the mood for this. I got yelled at this morning for sitting with the guys at lunch. I've been booted out of more conversations than I want to think about this week. And I...well you get the picture. I just can't handle this.

"Layla, will you two please not sing this morning." I asked as politely as I could at the moment.

"We're not singing though." Emma said back.

"Okay well whatever you want to call that please just stop." I said.

"What are we doing?" Emma asked innocently.

Oh my goodness for a seven year old she's got more attitude than most teenagers I know.

"Emma, I am not in the mood this morning. Just shut up please." I reply already on the verge of tears.

"Tristana, come on what's your problem? They do this every morning. Give it a break." Paris said with the same attitude Emma just gave me.

I looked at her then the girls. "Whatever." I said quietly.

Just to be honest with you the only reason I didn't say anything else back is because I couldn't. Not without crying anyway. I put my headphones in and held back the tears. I rode the rest of the way to like this.

Now here I am walking in. By myself. The guys are all grouped up at a table, and the girls are all standing in the corner talking. And here I am. I can't go to either group. Mom, and dad don't want me hanging out with the guys all the time, and the girls don't want me hanging out with them.

They've never actually said they didn't, but actions speak louder than words. Paris is always booting me out of everything all the time, and Ashlynn is always talking about me behind my back. Arabella just won't talk to me.

I go to the bathroom so that I can get away from everyone, and so that I don't look like a complete idiot standing in the doorway between the hallway and the lunch room.

I look in the mirror at myself in my uniform. If I can keep a smile on my face until schools over I'll blend in perfectly. No one will be able to guess that I am crying on the inside. No one will know that I'm slowly sinking into a depression, and I have no control over it.

I slightly shudder at that thought. Am I really? I've always wondered how a person could let themselves get depressed. Why can't they just be happy? We all face hard times, but things will get better in the end. At least that's what people say.

Now I understand. They have no control over it. It just comes and covers them like a blanket without their permission. Except this isn't a warm fuzzy blanket. This is cold prickly blanket. All those times when they pushed their feelings deep down inside(like I'm doing now) suddenly comes crashing in, and they are forced to face reality. I understand now. And it scares me.

My thoughts are interrupted by the bell. I walk out of the bathroom, and start walking towards my class room. I get stopped on the way by one of the kindergartners that goes to our church. Every morning she stops me to give me a hug.