Pregnant With A Dallas

90)

|Shawn's point of view|

I've been thinking about Stephanie a lot lately. I know i shouldn't but i can't help it. I love Melisa, i really do, but can't help thinking about what should be my son or daughter.

I really don't know what to do anymore.

I can't help but think about what he or she would be like, look like, act like. I know im just torturing myself, but how do i stop?

Right now, i should be holding my new born baby girl or boy. Right now, i should be worrying about being a teenage father. But there's nothing i want more. I should be waking up at two every morning because of my crying baby. I should be overly busy taking care of him or her. I should be spending every waking moment taking care of my child.

But i can't, and no matter how much i want to, i can't, and it wasn't even my choice.

I sit outside for hours just thinking about what it would be like if she never got the abortion.

What it would be like if i actually was a father. Would i have ever met Melisa? Would i still be with Stephanie? Would i be a good father? What would it be like to hold my child in my arms?

I know i need to stop doing this to myself, but how?

I spend almost every waking moment thinking about that baby.

Im pretty sure people are noticing how distracted I've been lately.

Melisa comes outside and sits besides me.

"Shawn?" she says quietly.

I turn to look at her, tears filling my eyes.

"Are you okay? You haven't been yourself lately" she asks in her quiet voice.

I simply shake my head no and turn back to looking at the stars.

"What's wrong then?" she asks.

"I never told you why i broke up with my last girlfriend did i?"

She shakes her head no.

"She got pregnant and never told me. And then she went behind my back and..uh" i start but don't wanna finish.

"What?"

"She got an abortion behind my back " i finally answer.

"Right now im supposed to have a son or a daughter. Im supposed to be living off of an hour of a sleep a night because of my baby. Im supposed to be spending all my time watching my child" i feel tears burn my eyes.

"Instead im spending all my time thinking about how i should be doing that, but i can't. And there's nothing i can do about it." i finish as i bury my face in the palms of my hands.

"Im sorry Shawn. I really am" Melisa says quietly. I feel her put her hand on my back.

"You don't need to be sorry" i say, looking up at her. She was about to say something but i cut her off by pressing my lips to hers.

"I love you" i say quietly, resting my forehead on hers.

"I love you too" she smiles.

I turn my head back up to the sky. She rests her head on my shoulder and i wrap my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me.

I kiss the side of her temple before laying back in the grass. She lays her head on my chest and we stare at the stars.

I still can't help but think about the baby. I know i shouldn't but i can't stop myself.

"Im really sorry this happened to you Shawn" i hear Melisa quietly say.

I kiss the top of her head and she smiles up at me. She quickly kisses my lips before laying her head back down on my chest.

Without realizing it, i softly begin singing my song 'crazy', as i play with her hair.

Think I don't need a watch to tell the time
Think I don't need the sun to help me shine
Think I don't need a girl to be alright
Guess I didn't know

That I didn't need shoes on my feet
That I didn't need a bed to fall asleep
That I didn't need love to be complete
Guess I didn't know

That I just got this crazy feeling
I've been making someone wait for me, for me

You're all I think about when I'm awake
Part of every night and every day
And everything's a mess when you're away
Now I know

All of this is getting really old
I'm having trouble sleeping on my own
Feeling like a house but not a home
I want you to know

That I just got this crazy feeling
I've been making someone wait for me, for me

Guess I need a watch to tell the time
Guess I need the sun to help me shine
And I really need you in my life
Now I know

That you give me this crazy feeling
And you won't have to wait no more for me, for me
And I just got this crazy feeling
I've been making someone wait for me

Before long, i hear Melisa's steady breaths. I look over and see her asleep on my chest. I smile and pull her closer to me. I kiss her forehead before continuing to stare at the stars and just think.

Ok i was (almost) crying and smiling at the same time while writing this chapter.

Q: last song listened to

A: 'like that' by Jack and jack  is playing rn. Its prob one of my favorite songs rn. But those change all the time so..ya