Society (Phan)

Chapter Fifteen

"Dan, I know what you're thinking." Phil said after a few minutes of what had just happened.

"What?"

"It's easy," Phil said cockily, "you regret what you just did and knew it was wrong."

"N-no, Phil, I just, I just, well, you know, fuck you don't know because I don't know."

I didn't regret it, I just don't understand what came over me. I wasn't aware I had developed something for Phil, but with the passion that we both put into that kiss shows that we must've.

"I know what you said was bullshit, about not hating me. You're just like the rest of them." He sounded sad now and the air was simply melancholy.

"No! Trust me, I do like you, please just understand that." I was basically pleading at this point.

"Prove it,"

"What?"

"You like me as much as you say, prove it."

"What? How?"

"I told you." He stated.

"Fuck it."

Once again, I was in no control. This seemed to happen a lot when I was with this raven haired boy.

Our lips collided in a battle for dominance, as we both smiled into the kiss. Phil made a low moan as he smiled even more before grabbing my neck and my waist and awkwardly pulling me along the couch, bending physics as we both tried to get closer.

I then took this a step further, grabbing him by the shoulders with my left hand weaved through his well conditioned hair.

He broke the kiss briefly, leaving me puzzled, before then looking up and smirking at me.

Phil then began kissing my neck, my breathing getting heavier. My neck was my weak spot, and found this out as he began lightly sucking, nibbling.

Shit! What am I doing? I'm supposed to hate him. Aren't I?

"P-Phil, I can't do this," he looked sad, "not yet. I'm just going to get some fresh air and I'll be back and we can discuss this, okay? Don't go anywhere for me, please."

Before I could recollect anything, my legs had walked over to the hallway and my hands had already began to tie the laces.

"I'll be back soon, okay?"

I didn't wait to hear a response, I simply opened the door and left, leaving Phil in my own house.

I didn't know where to go or what to think at this point, so I just did what my mind allowed me, I ran straight to the park.

-

As I'm so unfit, I was wheezing from the running that I had just done. I was lying down, hands crossed behind my head, as I looked up to the sky.

Clouds are weird.

I had to use this time alone wisely. There was no way I could lie about what had happened because this time we were both completely sober.

As much as I would hate to admit it, I actually enjoy kissing Phil. I know I'm supposed to hate him but I just can't, he's done nothing wrong. Being gay isn't a sin, being gay isn't a choice, it's who you are. Thousands of people commit suicide due to bullying because some idiotic bastards think that it's fucking hilarious to bully people about what they can't help. You should never make fun of something a person can't change about themselves.

As much as I would hate to admit it, I love Phil Lester.

I need to go back, I need to prove to Phil that I won't betray him again, I need to prove that he's worth it and I want this to work.

I stood up, brushing off my clothes from the British grass and fast walking back in the direction of my house.

Thankfully, I don't see anyone from school so I won't be interrogated as to why I'm running with tears streaming down my face.

I open my front door so see Phil standing in my hallway, bag draped over his right shoulder as he bent down to tie his laces on the shoe he hadn't already done it to.

He looked at me quizzically, now was the time.

I kicked the door shut with my foot, stepping forward, caressing Phil's chin with my fingers as I lifted his head up so his eyes could meet my gaze.

"What are yo-"

Before he had to finish his sentence, I smashed my lips against his once again.

It was obvious neither of us really knew what we were doing but whatever we were was right to each other. My hands were roaming in his hair whilst his were around my waist pushing me closer.

The only thing that was in our way were our clothes.

Instead of going anywhere else, Phil backed up.

"I'm sorry Dan, I-I just can't. I can't trust you! I don't want anything to happen to either of us. I'm sorry."

"B-b-but please Phil! I love you and it pains me with what I have to do just to 'fit in', it's bullshit!" I was on the verge of crying, "I want to hang around with you, be with you, love you! Please Phil, just, just let me in."

"How do I know I can trust you though Dan? I want this to work as much as you're saying you do, but how can I trust you?"

"I don't know how I can prove it to you like you want me to, please just, just give me a chance, okay? If it doesn't work out, then that's fine. If it doesn't work out, I won't hurt you or hang around with Alfie again, okay? Please?"

I could tell Phil really was deliberating this, just by the expression in his face.

"Right, okay. You have one chance."

"Thank you! Thank yo-"

"But," he continued, filling me with worry. "No PDA at school until it's been three months. At least. That includes holding hands, kissing, hugging, anything."

"Okay. Thank you for letting me in Phil. I really appreciate it."

Phil simply just looked up to me and smiled, "be careful."

"You know, I-I think I love you." I stuttered, showing actual emotion.

"No." What? "No, not yet, you can't love someone straight away, time is love."

I can understand what Phil is saying. You can't just love someone straight away, it's not a real experience of love. Love is an over used word.

"Okay, good bye Phil." I said as he finally finished doing his laces, smiling at me knowing I would see him soon due to school.

"This isn't a good bye, I'll see you soon, it should be a 'see you later', you're not going anywhere."

I chuckled, "okay Phil, I'll see you later."

He nodded and walked out, waving to me as he left.