Your Ninja Nerd: Donatello X Reader TMNT

You Think About Him

  You had been texting Donnie and said you were going to bed. But actually, most of the time, you were lying flat on your back, staring at the ceiling, repeating the words like affirmations. He really just said that you looked amazing and it made your heart scream out for him, but it shouldn't have. This was a mutant turtle. It wasnt the time to move onto some other relationship either. Come on, (Y/n), this was ridiculous.

   "I will not have these kinds of feelings for Donnie. I will not have these kinds of feelings for Donnie. I will not have these kinds of feelings for Donnie. I will not have this happen to me again."

   You repeated that and tried to brush it all off. It always started kicking in every time you looked at the bandaged up scar. You remembered the pain. You remembered the trauma. You remembered how you got hurt this way.

   Your stomach would turn when you remembered those stupid memories with Drake that felt so sweet at the time, but quickly turned sour when you realized his intentions were to control you.

   Every time he eased your anxiety, bought you ridiculously expensive gifts, or showered you with an unbelievable amount of affection, it was never from the heart. He wanted you to feel that overwhelming bliss so you could trust him.

   Honestly, the thoughts took a huge toll on your self-esteem, even though you knew better.

   He saw how easy it was to manipulate you at that party ---did you deserve this? Maybe you should have known this would happen. Maybe he was right about your flaws and maybe that's why you were single before. Maybe you weren't worthy of a good relationship in the first place, especially one with a mutant.

   "Remember how you got hurt (Y/n)... Don't hurt yourself again..."

   You got up and paced the room, wanting to keep speaking out loud so you could really hear yourself.

   "B-Besides, it wouldn't work! He's a turtle, and I'm a human... And he's in martial arts... There's no way I could escape if he tried to hurt me. Learn from your mistakes, (Y/n)."

   You felt your eyes water and decided to actually get some sleep now even with those horrible thoughts taunting you. Yet... part of it felt cozy; that is, just one part. The idea of visiting Donnie was so warm and comforting for your racing mind. There was no clear visual of how his place looked since you've never been, but you imagined a desk, a lamp, and some hot drinks in your hands.

   In your mind, he was talking about his T-Phone and you continued to glance at that tooth gap of his as his mouth moved. At first, he got embarrassed, but you would assure him it was so sweet and endearing.

   Oh then he would tell you that endearing was a great word and you would say more.

   Then he would hold your hand.

   You would hold your breath, but keep your hand in his. His eyes were bronzy and perfectly gazing into yours.

   He would say, 'Can I kiss--'

   No.

   "Don't think about him. Don't think about him. Don't think about him."

   You fell asleep and had assorted dreams of Donnie dating you then marrying you. It was all warm and fuzzy until the dreams turned into nightmares. Your subconscious recalled some past arguments and Drake's voice took over Donnie's, transitioning from arguments to comas. Your mind was in too many places; you had a stressful night. You began to talk in your sleep as if it would change your newfound nightmares.

   "Don't hurt me."