Broken | Dan and Phil Fanfiction [COMPLETED]

Black

-Phil's POV-

I heard screaming but everything was black. I didn't want to open my eyes. I didn't even try.
There was a shooting pain up my arm, worse than before, everything just started fading out. The screaming, the pain, the thoughts, and then, there was nothing.
I don't know how long it was like that, but then suddenly everything came back. Everything was still, but there was pain, and I felt cold and I heard things, random sounds and more people talking. It's wouldn't end. I tried to get back to where there was nothing. I didn't want to be here, where there was pain and all these noises. It just kept going on. I didn't know how long it had been, but then all my thoughts started clearing out and I was starting to understand things, and then I woke up.

My vision was really blurry and it was hard to make things out, but I could hear all the sounds clearly now, and I realized that I must be in a hospital. It was dark in my room, so it must've been night. My head was still spinning and I felt quite tipsy and nauseous. I must be on some kind of pain medication.
Fucking hell.
I was so close too.
I was so done, and yet here I am again, in a hospital. My vision was still blurry but when I looked over, I noticed two people sitting in chairs next to me. One of them was a girl. Could it really be Meghan and Dan? I doubt it. I hope they would have moved on by now. I laid back down and just stared at the ceiling until my vision cleared up. I looked to my right again and sure enough, it was Meghan and Dan.
Dammit
I tried to put my head back down as quietly as possible as to not show them  that I was awake. I just wanted a few more minutes of peace before they bombarded me with questions. However, the movement of my head caused a small noise and Meghan perked up. Fuck.
"Oh my god!"
She jumped out of her chair, startling Dan awake as she ran over and grabbed me. She threw her arms around me and held on as if she was never going to let me go.
It hurt to move my arms so I didn't bother hugging her back. Dan was still sitting in the other chair, just glaring at me. In the dim lighting I could still see that his face and his eyes were slightly red, and his cheeks were puffy which meant that he had probably been crying.
What sucks most about failing a suicide attempt, is explaining to everybody why you did it. Telling it to numerous doctors and psychiatrists plus all of your concerned friends and family (if you have any). Nobody understands though, they make you sit there and explain to them what you're feeling and why you did it when they don't even know where to begin helping you. They just give you pills, and tell you to do things that will help you cope, like my personal favorite, writing in a journal everyday. Yes, because me writing about all my daily problems and how much I want to die is going to help me not want to kill myself. I've been through this so many times and I'm so mad that I'm gonna have to go through it again.
"Why am I here?"
Meghan exchanged a nervous glance with Dan before saying that she found me half dead in my room and called an ambulance.
"Why would you do that? Did you ever think that maybe I didn't want to be saved?" I said it harshly, but I didn't regret it. I was really mad. I wanted to die. I was done with my life and with everybody in it. Failing an attempt is worse than never trying in the first place.
Meghan wore a shocked expression. Like it just somehow occurred to her that yeah, I actually did want to die. I couldn't take it anymore, I just completely lost it.
"Why did you do that? Why! Why don't you want me dead? After all I've done to you and Dan. I mean if you two haven't figured it out yet, I was cheating on both of yall! I'm a fucking bitch and I don't understand why you would even bother saving me. Why couldn't you just have walked right back out of that room and pretended you never saw me. I know that-"

"You need to stop being so fucking selfish!" Meghan's screeching voice seemed to stop everything. I hadn't realized it until now, but I felt a tear roll down my cheek and drop off onto the crepe hospital blanket.
"Did you ever think for one moment that what you're doing is affecting other people? I love you, Phil. I know that you cheated and I'm pissed about it but I can't say that I don't love you, and I care about you so much, and I know that somewhere deep down in Dan's heart, he still cares for you too. Then you go off and pretend like everything is about you and nobody will care when I'm gone blah blah blah, but you're wrong! More people care about you than you think and-"

"Yeah, a whole two people give a crap about me. That great, but there's at least twenty people who would physically smile when they found out that I was dead."

"You know what? If you want to die, go ahead." Dan had finally piped up from the corner of the room. He was angry but I could tell he slightly regretted saying that. 
"Fuck off." I snarled back at him.

"Maybe I will fuck off. We're trying to help you and we're trying to get you to a better place and you just aren't accepting the help and I think that if you're going to be a bitch about it now, then you'll probably be a bitch about it in the future."

"Dan." Meghan said firmly. she motioned for him to follow her outside the room.  

Dan rolled his eyes before getting up and following Meghan out of my room. She shut door behind them, but I could still hear the whispers. Meghan is asking him what the hell is wrong with him and why he would say that and he just says that he's angry. He's angry that I cheated on him. He's angry that I attempted suicide. He's angry that he's still in love with me.

A/N
it's literally Christmas and I'm up writing gay fanfiction wtf.