Begin Again - Dramione

Malfoy Manor

Hermione's POV

  "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that
something else is more important than fear." ―   Ambrose Redmoon

"There you go Mr. Malfoy, how does it feel now?" Poppy asked, pocketing her wand.

"Dandy." He replied, rolling his shoulder. I huffed. He looked over his shoulder at me and cocked an eyebrow.

"We're getting late." I told him, as he got up and walked over to me. We both left the hospital wing and went to our respective dormitories to change. I searched through my trunk and settled for casual attire. After changing into my clothes, I stood in the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

"You can do this Hermione." I whispered to myself. My skin seemed to have paled even more and my lip was slightly quivering. I tried to take long, calming breathes. I realized then that I was scared. Of what, was yet to be determined. But no matter how much I tried telling myself, I knew I wasn't ready enough to go back to that place.

Nothing during the war had traumatized me as much as the incidents at that house had. Bellatrix's assault had brought with it many lingering emotions and thoughts. And one of them had been the anxiety. Those moments, while I was trapped on the floor as Bellatrix carved the words 'Mudblood' into my arm were horrifying. For the first time in life, I had felt truly cornered and hopeless. Being defenseless had killed me a little from within. I had learned to never ever let my guard down. That night, I had sworn to never let anyone that near me again. That night the false sense of security my wand and magic had given me, had died, along with my bravado.

I knew it would take time to be able to let things go and get back my self-confidence and strength. It had taken me five months prior returning to Hogwarts to even think beyond my comfort zone. Fortunately, a little bit of myself that I had lost that night had mostly returned but now I feared going back there would weaken me again. I had been trying so hard to figure out the mystery that was Draco Malfoy, along with everything that had happened in the past few days that, I had misinterpreted my drive for knowledge to be my strength. I had believed the weakening of my resolve to be fatigue.

Guess I was wrong. And for the first time, it didn't pain me to admit it at all.

Suddenly, I didn't want to go at all. I wasn't ready. I couldn't face Narcissa Malfoy, I couldn't be in the same place where once I had almost lost my life at the hands of a mad woman. Breathing labored, I stumbled out of the bathroom and the dormitory, making my way out of the common room at a fast pace. I needed to find Draco. I couldn't do it, not yet. I looked everywhere for him for a while before I found him standing outside McGonagall's office. He saw me approaching first and called out,

"About time Granger, I thought you were going to bail on me."

I stopped before him, panting whilst clutching the stitch in my side. He let me gain my bearing before saying, "Right, we're getting late. If you want to be back before Dinner, we'll have to rush. Knowing Mother, she'll force us to have dinner with her, so you better hurry up."

He was halfway over the threshold when he turned around to find me still standing in my place. He walked back over to me. "What's wrong?" he frowned.

I was overcome with anxiety then, and I did the only thing I could think. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in the crook of his neck, taking long shaky breathes. I could tell he was shocked by the way he had frozen into place but I didn't care. He let me cling to him for some time, waiting for my breathing to perhaps calm down before pulling me off him. His eyes raked over my face, concern shining through them. I could tell he had noticed the panic in my eyes. I was in hysterics, bordering wild actually.