Leaving (Lauren Cimorelli Fanfic)

Impossible

Jaiden's POV

As I sat on the phone with Lauren I could feel myself getting more and more upset.

Lauren- "But you are my best friend Jai."
Jaiden- "You are an incredible person. I'm sure you will find someone else to fill my space."
Lauren- "We can't even try to be friends after this? After a year of dating you don't want to even try to be friends with each other?"

I knew that she was crying but there was nothing I could do. I didn't choose this. I know that the distance is too hard for her. And clearly Noah is making her happy. So I asked her one more time, in order to make my point about why we can't be friends.

Jaiden- "You said you were falling for him... Right?"
There was a few seconds of silence before she answered. She spoke quietly.
Lauren- "Yeah.." She said hesitantly. I hated hearing that come out of her mouth.
Jaiden- "So no, we can't be friends Lauren."
Lauren- "Tell me why Jai! Why does this have to end like this! What's wrong with leaving this relationship as friends?!" She said raising her voice that was trembling from crying.
Jaiden- "You really want me to explain to you why we can't be friends?!" I said raising my voice, irritated that she doesn't understand that I don't want to have anything to do with her when Noah is in her life.
Lauren- "Yes! I want to know! Tell me, please!" She yelled back.

I took a breath as I felt my eyes watering. I tried to calm down so I didn't yell at her or say something that I would regret.

Jaiden- "Because you can never go from going out to being friends, just like that. It's a lie. It's just something that people say they'll do to take the permanence out of a breakup. And someone always takes it to mean more than it does, and then is hurt even more when, inevitably, the 'friendly' relationship is still a major step down from the previous relationship, and it's like breaking up all over again. But messier..." I paused for a second before continuing.

Jaiden- "You know that being friends is impossible. Because I will be the one who always wants more than that. I will be the one holding onto the unrealistic hope that you are going to come back. So please, don't tell me that you want to be friends. You falling for someone else is hard enough already. I can't hold onto that pain by being your 'friend'... I don't want to be your friend. I don't want to try to accept the fact that some other guy can give you more than I can. And if that makes me a bad person then fine... So no, we can't be friends Lauren. Because I'm not capable of retaining my feelings for you."

I stopped talking and waited for a response. When she didn't say anything I spoke up.

Jaiden- "I know that you didn't want to hurt me. So the best thing that you can do for me right now, is leave me. Leave me and don't turn back around second guessing your choice. Just let me go. Because if I see you again, or hear your voice asking me to come back, I would do it without hesitation. And I know that would be a terrible decision for both of us."
Lauren- "How am I supposed to just let go? I love you." I sat there trying not to cry. No one has ever made me feel this way so it was hard to hold back. I spoke when I felt like my voice wouldn't tremble. But it still did.
Jaiden- "You follow your heart, and go be with the guy who is making you happy when I can't. Go be happy. Please if you don't do anything else that I say, please just be happy. Because your happiness is so important to me." I paused for a moment, unable to gather my thoughts. But I only had one more thing to say. I spoke quietly because I didn't even want the words coming out of my mouth to be real.
Jaiden- "I'm going to hang up, and when I do, know that I'm telling you to leave me so that we both don't have to go through this pain again. I'm so in love with you. And it's hard for me to accept that this isn't working. But it isn't. So I'm going to hang up now....[Pause]... I love you, don't ever forget that. Now go be happy princess."

I hung up the phone as tears streamed down my face. I wiped my eyes with the sweatshirt I had on.

She's gone. I left Nashville, and I lost her. I had the picture in my hand the entire time I was on the phone with her. Looking at it made every feeling of hurt that I had amplified.

I had so many different emotions towards her. I'm mad at her for falling for someone when I left. I'm mad that she told me she cares about me but that she also cares about him. I'm upset because I lost her.

I know that I sounded really harsh when I said I didn't want to be her friend. But I can't be. I can't sit back and watch her be with another guy because it's too hard. If I was her friend, she would get over me and move into this new guy while I sit back hoping she'll comes back to me.

I know that Lauren wouldn't have broken up with me. But I knew that this relationship was too hard for her. So even though the last thing I ever wanted to do was end us, I knew that I had too. Because Lauren is selfless. She will always make my happiness a priority, but I know that when she does she is sacrificing her own. I can't let her stay in a relationship that is holding her back.

Sometimes letting go of the person you love, is the way that you show you truly love them.

Lauren's POV

How did I let this happen? We were supposed to be the ones who made it.

His words were ringing in my head...

"I love you, don't ever forget that. Now go be happy princess."

I looked at the picture Jaiden gave me and held onto it tightly.

He gave me the picture so I would have a choice. He said that if I wanted out of this relationship, that all I had to do was give the picture back to him and he would know that we were done. As I held the picture in my hands, I knew I couldn't ever give it back. He is my choice.

But I ruined us.

A/N
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