Saviour

Desperado: A message from Mammy Part 25

"SAL?!" I screamed, still nothing before I knew it I was diving in after him I hit the water with a slap it went straight up my nose, I tried to feel around as the salt water stung my eyes. I felt something by my leg, reaching down down it was definitely skin. I pulled on Sals arm swimming up towards the surface I could hear everyone screaming from the cliff top as I took a huge breath and pulled Sals head above the water he started to cough as I dragged him up onto a flat rock he threw up a lot of sea water before passing out.

Apollo and Eamon immediately started scaling down the rocks followed by Liam "Fallon you take the guys back down the track and meet us on the beach" Eamon shouted to her.

Sal was breathing but unconscious the guys and I lifted him by his arms and legs and slowly carried him over the rocks and through the shallow water onto the beach "Fuck he's a heavy fella" Liam sighed to which everyone nodded.

We got onto the beach where the guys stood looking terrified Joe and Murr took over the carrying from me as I ran over to Q I was soaking wet but he held me close "Is he going to be okay?" Q panicked he looked like he would start crying any minute "We need to get him home, I think it was the cold that shocked him."

After a long tense walk we got Sal into the house "Take him upstairs" I ordered "Q keep an eye on him until I get dried off, I'll come up now and undress him Fallon can you get me a hot water bottle, Apollo can you see if the old fireplace will still light in Sals room and Liam will you drive the guys into town and get something for dinner I think some food would calm us down greatly."

I rushed to my room tearing off the soaking wet dress that clung to me I threw on some shorts and my comfort hoodie, not bothering to dry my hair I needed to get back into Sal and get him warmed up before any pneumonia began to kick in.

Sal was lying across the bed when I walked in Q was sitting on the arm chair by the bed chewing the skin on top of his thumb he looked so scared watching his friend so vulnerable "Shouldn't we take him to a hospital or something Maggie?" his voice was quiet and full of worry.

I started to get Sal undressed a dark black bruise was starting to form on his ribs from the speed he had hit the water, thank goodness he wasn't conscious or this would have been a whole lot more awkward than it already was. I shook my head to answer Brains question "If we did get Dr Pierce out here after hours he couldn't do much good if he tried except charge us a fortune, the best thing is to keep Sal warm and just keep an eye on him.

Brian stood up pulling me close like I was the only thing he could hold on to "He owes you his life"

"Maybe he'll thank me if he ever speaks to me again" I sighed putting my head in my hands it was Q's turn to comfort me "He was just upset you didn't tell him yourself, he hates not knowing things I swear he has to know everything!" I buried my head into Qs chest feeling safe and warm then his stomach rumbled and we fell apart laughing "you go get some food, I'm going to stay with him" I smiled shooing him out the door.

I was left alone to my thoughts. Sal gave a heavy breath as he slept I stroked his face his cheeks were starting to get some colour in them, I would miss him so much I hoped he would understand why I needed to take the job I'm sure he would with some talking to, it was Sal he could read me like a book back to front how I was feeling without even saying a word how I played with my hair when a cute guy was around, the songs that made me cry and the ones that made me dance. He was my best friend and letting him go would be so difficult.

Letting them all go would be, Sure we would see each other often but not every day like I was used to I'd miss Joe for his Jokes he could turn around any awkward silence just by opening his mouth, James so sweet but so easily riled, our late night movies and his disastrous attempts to cook that had set off the fire alarm more than once. I sat laughing to myself.

Letting Brian go would be harder, being the way we were now so close being able to cuddle and flirt without it being awkward was so great but I couldn't help thinking of what he had said the night before about seeing other people did he really think I would be seeing someone else when all I could think of was him and what if he found somebody, how would that play out when we visited each other how weird would it be then? My mind was wracked full of questions love or hide away my feelings, stay in New York or leave it behind? I had always told myself if I couldn't love I couldn't get hurt then these four big dummies fell into my life and I couldn't help wondering if it was a mistake to go who did I even know in Arizona I would be starting all over again new home new job new friends.

My curiosity was also taking over, the opportunity was amazing traveling all over, just me and my camera people seeing my pictures and getting some recognition for what little talent I did possess. Brian himself had said it he would be angry if I didn't go and I'd probably spend the rest of my life angry at myself. I thought of Arizona from what little I did know about it it was in the desert, cacti and sandstorms, no green fields to run through were the grass kissed my feet and foggy mornings when the world was still asleep. On thinking that New York was barren of that too.

I opened the cupboard hoping to find a book I could sit and read for a while to clear my head when I stubbed my toe on a huge brown leather box type thing "fucking fuck" I cursed under my breath kicking it harder and cursing louder well that was dumb! I dragged the box out onto the floor sitting down beside it. Taking off the lid it was full of records and an old portable record player. I wondered why these weren't down with the full collection of records mammy had sitting in the sitting room by the bookcase and I realised they were all sad songs ones mama used to cry to when she missed Daddy.

I flicked through them recognizing a few titles here and there when one caught my eye It was an Eagles record old and dusty it looked like it hadn't seen day light since neon was in style, it wasn't the dust or the cover that caught my attention it was the title Desperado, the word echoed in the back of my mind I repeated it over and over until it wasn't my voice anymore it was more of a croak a weak old voice Mammy's? Could this of been what she was talking about? I took the record player out of the box and blew the dust of the vinyl crossing my fingers that it still worked I placed the needle on the record. A beautiful piano intro accompanied by a husky voice.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses

You been out riding fences for so long now

Oh you're a hard one but

I know that you got your reasons

These things that are pleasing you

Can hurt you somehow

I swear my heart stopped beating as I listened to the words it was mama she wanted me to hear this and know she knew why I left but also that as amazing as New York was I probably didn't belong there. I felt compelled to listen on as the song continued.

Desperado, oh you aint getting no younger

Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home

And freedom, oh freedom

Well that's just some people talkin,

Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

I was on the brink of tears I had never related to anything more in my life, cutting off all the ties had made me lonely and my thirst for love and family were what was making me so happy being home.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses

Come down from your fences open the gate

It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you

You better let somebody love you,

Before it's too late.

I knew she had been listening when I was telling her about Brian. But this wasn't about him it was about Family about Apollo and Fallon rebuilding everything I had lost with them. I ran away cutting their love from my life I thought I could do okay on my own but coming home had banished all this loneliness I had felt over the last few years I was home with people who had known me since I took my first breath.

Even though she was only seven years older I believedfor a time when I was a child that Fallon was my mother. Due to Willows absenceFallon would feed me and clothe me and do my homework with me. Apollo taught mehow to walk how to climb how to swim. I needed these guys a lot more than Irealised.