Love Happens

27. "I don't even know who I am anymore."

A/N:- let's just pretend like this update isn't two months late. how are you guys anyways? does anybody still remember me? XD i've been stuck on this plot for quite some time, but i think i've figured it out finally. i'm sorry for disappearing at such a crucial moment but anyways, i'm back now so let's do this.

-x-

My first kiss.

Did I expect it to go like this?

His hand slipped to the nape of my neck and his other hand was positioned around my waist, holding me tightly. I couldn't help it. My arms were around his neck in seconds, as I kissed him back as well as I could.

As cliche as this seems, kisses in books and movies are so underrated.

It felt like a thousand fireworks were exploding in my stomach and a hundred violins were playing in perfect harmony- haha, no.

It was more like a tickle of electricity that trickled down from the tip of my spine to my toes. and I was breathless. I couldn't focus on what was happening, I didn't even know what was happening. I had no idea how long we were kissing, standing there in the middle of the lobby. It was so... I don't know. 

I finally pulled away, my eyes widening a little as I realized what had happened. Cage seemed slightly reluctant to let me go but he did, a small uneasy smile on his lips.

"I'm sorry," he said, finally. "I really need you to understand this. Maya means nothing to me. Kitty, god-"

He loved me.

I blinked, suddenly realizing what he had said before and a new wave of realization washed over me.

How could he love me?!

He didn't even know me!

"You love me?" I asked quietly. His cheeks were tinted pink. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"Oh," I crossed my arms across my chest, annoyance seeping through me immediately. My feelings are so bipolar, gosh. "Okay. Cool."

He seemed a little confused as I walked away, but he followed me this time, almost demandingly. 

"What do you mean by okay, cool?!"

"It means that you don't love me! God, don't love me! Just don't!"  I exploded. "Leave me alone, just go take your damned bipolar self and-"

"Leave you alone? Didn't you hear what I said? I love you, goddamn it!" 

"I don't bloody care about you, Cage! Just leave me alone!" that was the last straw and we both knew it. I didn't mean it that away, god.

Cage looked crushed. And not even a second later, he straightened up, his face hardening and jaw clenching, not even looking at me in the eye. "Got it." And then he turned and walked away, looking so annoyed and hurt that I didn't know what was happening.

So I watched him walk away.

I'm an idiot.

-x-

The flight back to California was probably the most depressing.

I just sat in my seat, my headphones on and staring out of the window- and thank god, Aleisha knew that I needed some space. I didn't even know where Cage was, and I didn't even bother to look. I've screwed up.

These past three days were such a blur, so much had happened and I didn't even know where I stood anymore. I've made new friends and met new people and...

I couldn't even think anymore.

I didn't know how to fix this. I didn't know what I even wanted.

The ride back home was short and tiring. I grabbed my luggage as fast as I could when we made it back to the airport, and dragged myself to Gabby who was waiting for me. She frowned slightly when I neared her.

"You don't look okay."

"I'm fine. Can we just go home?" I groaned. She patted my hair sympathetically. "Okay, child."

The bus ride back to the school was even more tiring and I was too dead to even speak to anyone properly and when I saw mom waiting for me by her car at school, I just gave her a weary hug and threw my stuff into the trunk of our car. 

I stayed in bed for like the next two days. I had no idea why I was so tired, but I just was and ugh. Our SATS were coming up soon and I had a lot to of preparation to do.

And of course, I was upset about the whole miscommunication with Cage. I couldn't even answer him. Do I love him? (no.) Do I like him back? I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOWWW.

Maybe meeting Cage Loren wasn't the best thing that happened to me, after all.

Because I suddenly don't even know who I am anymore.

-x-