Luke's Angel// LEMMA\\ #Wattys2016

Chapter Six

TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM AND DEPRESSION
Luke
After Emma ran, I called after her and tried to chase after her, but I'd lost her in the waves of people. I walked home, feeling like shit. She'd kissed me back, but I don't know why she ran away. Did she like me like that? Was I a bad kisser? I texted her to tell her I was sorry, but it remained unread.

It was late, and I was tired and tipsy when I got home. I needed to cut, but it was too late. I climbed into bed, not bothering to undress, and wrapped the duvet around me. Tears dripped across my face and into my pillow as I fell into the deep pit of depression and self-hate. I'd messed everything up between Emma and I. She was the only person who knew about everything and I felt like I needed her. What was I talking about? I definitely needed her.

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I woke up in the morning, really warm because I'd slept in normal clothes. After a few hours of restlessness, I'd managed to fall into a disturbed and light sleep, but I did sleep til 11. It didn't make me feel any better though. I still had a headache; not a hangover, but enough to make me feel awful. I felt awful anyway.

I took some aspirin and then went into the bathroom. I locked the door and cut 5 lines into my wrist, watching as the blood began to seep out and the stinging began. It still hurt, even after 2 years, but somehow, I liked the pain. It reminded me I was alive and still felt pain, but that was the reason I hated the stinging too. The one line in Hamilton the Musical was right. Dying is easy; living is harder. I'd rather take the easy route. I had nothing to live for. Emma didn't want me. Neither did my family. They didn't care. I didn't care. Who would actually care? I couldn't leave though. The thoughts if what Emma would say kept me going. If she didn't want to be my girlfriend, then she was still my best friend, and I'd made a promise to her. A promise I'd already broken countless times. But she'd never know.

I made one more line in my wrist and then put a cold flannel over my cuts as to ease the stinging. I then got in the shower, where the soap caused a bit more stinging, but I tried to keep the soap away from my left wrist. I failed at that.

When I got out, I pulled on some everyday clothes for hanging around the house. Of course, I made sure my scars and fresh cuts were covered.

Deciding to go through my social media, I pulled out my laptop and rested on my bed. I opened twitter to see one DM. Emma? No, she'd have just texted me.

My heart plummeted when I saw the sender. Derek. What did he want now? I opened the message, shaking. This wasn't the first time I'd got a hurtful message from him, but it was the first time it was this mean.

Hey fag. Just to let you know, your "girlfriend" is a great kisser. I had a great time with her last night. I think she enjoyed it too. Yeah, she doesn't want you anymore. She slept with me. If you've been deluding yourself by thinking she wants you, then you've been wasting your time. She wants ME. See ya tomorrow.

That message didn't make any sense. How could I be a "fag" and have a girlfriend? The stupidity of these bullies sometimes made me laugh. I read it through again. How could Emma do that to me? Would she do that to me? Surely not. She wouldn't have slept with him. She's underage for a start. I kept telling myself she wouldn't do that to me, but I wasn't sure.

I couldn't ask her. If she replied and she had, then I don't know what I'd do. She'd stand by and watch me get beaten up surely? She'd have to if she was his girlfriend. She'd hate me. She probably already does. I could never hate her. I love her. Tears flowed down my cheeks for the second time in 24 hours. I knew my life was shit and rubbish anyway, but now it had gotten worse. I didn't want to have to face Derek tomorrow. I didn't want to have to face Emma. It was going to be torture.

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AN
Sorry it was just a filler chapter and that it was so short. I honestly hate Derek and I'm the one who made him out.

Did anyone get the Hamilton reference? You should totally listen to Hamilton the Musical. It's epic. That's what I'm listening to right now. Basically, loads of my friends have an obsession with it, so I thought I'd try it out and I love it! Anyway end of Hamilton spon. #spon #ad #hamilton #promo

Love you all!

*sends you lovely hand written letters to tell you how great you are and how much I love you if you read all the way through this*