Luke's Angel// LEMMA\\ #Wattys2016

Chapter Ten

Previously in Luke's Angel:
Luke disappeared and Emma went to find him. He was being beaten up by Derek and his mates and when Emma found him, she was beaten up too. She took him home to clean him up but he found out about her being an angel. Now he wants answers.

TRIGGER WARNING:
Quite graphic suicide attempt and self harm!
References to suicide, self harm and depression.

Luke
"Emma??? Explain what's going on. Please." My heart was thumping. My breath was taken away. I thought she was just over reacting about me seeing her in her bra, but now I understood why I should've just got her a t shirt, I shouldn't have wanted to be slightly pervy, because now my life had been turned upside down. My girlfriend was some kind of fucking giant bird.

She stepped out of the shower silently and I followed her into her room, trying not to stare at the wings sprouting from her shoulder blades. She pulled on a Green Day t shirt and sat down on the bed. I sat down next to her.

"Luke... I'm an angel. I was sent here to look after you, to protect you. That's what we do. We're sort of... assigned a human to protect and try and sort out their problems. We change "subjects" all the time, because life gets better for them. Essentially, we all have 2 lives; alive and angel. But you're not alive as an angel. You're dead. We're souls, unless we take up our human body to do a mission. Over time, our souls weaken and by about 100, we die. We're reborn and we get another chance at life. We forget everything but we get some de ja vu and stuff because we had past lives. Stuff leaks through. As an angel, you have a half life, basically. I don't need food or drink, but I can have it. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. I'm not even meant to feel the way I feel for you. Something about not getting too attached. You weren't meant to find out, but you did. Everything has gone wrong and if the head angels ever find out, I'll be banished to the worst depths of the world. Essentially, a sort of hell, but worse. This is why you can't tell anyone, swear?" It was a lot to process. She looked at me expectantly and it took a few seconds for the cogs in my brain to whirr into action.

"I- I don't know yet, Em. How did you- um...?" I gestured to herself.

"Die? Ok, so I was 13. My parents had just split up and I had depression. I was self harming. I cut and I hated my life. I thought I couldn't bear the weight of being alive anymore, and to be honest, I was sick of trying to stay alive, you know the feeling right? Obviously you haven't given into it. Anyway, so one day, I was walking to my bus stop, when I saw my chance. There was bus coming up the main road, and the thought just popped into my brain, so I ran out. The bus was too close to stop. I hit the front of it, and rolled to the side, and within seconds, I died. The impact killed me. I don't live with my Dad. This house isn't really here. It's kinda... not real. My parents are somewhere in Basildon still. These angels are meant to be watching me do my job, but with everyone to keep an eye on, it gets sorta... hard," she let said with a small shrug, her eyes glistening with tears. She would never see her parents again and as much I hated mine, I don't think I could bear that either.

"Don't people recognise their dead relatives or friends? Like what about people like Hitler?"

"Nah, we train for two years, and then we never go where we lived when we died. No chance of being recognised. And Hitler, where do you think he is? That hell I mentioned. Anyone who committed really bad crimes are put on trial and their fate is decided from there."

"That's it?"

"Well, what else were you expecting? Please, Luke you can't ever tell anyone. You can't even bring it up in a private conversation between us. I never know when they're watching but they aren't watching now. I'd be gone if they were. Promise me. This is my life we're talking about."

"I promise. This is just a lot to get my head around." It was. She bowed her head, as if she couldn't look at me, so her fringe fell in her face.

"I'm the same person you fell in love with, Luke! The only thing that is different is that I have a pair of wings and that essentially, I'm dead." She looked up so I could see the face of annoyance.

"You've had, what... 3 years to get used to this! I've had less than 10 minutes! Give me time, Emma! Not only have I just found out my girlfriend is a fucking angel, we have to keep our relationship to a down low! Can we even... you know...?" I trailed off, feeling a bit awkward.

"Great time to ask a question like that, Luke! And for your information, I can have sex! I just don't get pregnant!" She made me feel guilty, but I was just wondering. That's not a crime, right?

"You know what, I'm going to go. Don't call me. Don't even contact me. I need time. See you around." I turned on my heel, and walked out of the room and slamming the front door on my way out of the house.

It took me a few minutes to realise my fists were clenched so hard that my fingernails had actually started to make my hands bleed. I let the blood dry out, which it did pretty quickly.

How could she do this to me? She lied to me. And she wasn't even trying to help me because she wanted to. It was because she had to. I didn't know what to think anymore, whether I could trust her. Just another name to add to the list of liars in my life. Did she even love me?

I didn't even know what I felt about her anymore. She wasn't even human. She used to be. But she's dead. We could never be a real thing. One day, if I got better, if I survived through my depression, through self harm, then she'd move on to her next subject.

I wanted to get better, but there was no one who could help me. Mum and Dad both thought mental illnesses were fake and just people trying to get attention, my teachers didn't give a shit... there was no one to turn to. How was Emma supposed to help? No. I couldn't trust her anymore. I'd had enough of lies.

----

The house was empty when I got home. Good, just the way I liked it.

No one wants you. Emma lied to you. She probably doesn't even love you. She says she does but the lies she has told you tells you there's no truth in anything she says. Kill yourself. Go on.

Or are you chicken?

KILL YOURSELF.

And with those words from the voice in my head, I pressed my blade in to the veins in my thighs, hoping for something. I did it multiple times, until my legs were a bloody mess. I grabbed a load pills I had stashed away from my draws and poured them down my throat.

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was my own blood, pooling around me into my carpet.

Was this death? I prayed it was. I just wanted it to be over...
---------------------------------------------------
AN
Heyyyy, hope that was ok. I'm sorry for the self harm but Luke's self harm and depression should get better from here now, which is good.
Did I give too much away? Probably. But I just needed to let y'all know.

How are you? I just felt like I needed to ask, bit of interaction or something, idk. Also I like to be a nice person sometimes.

Love you all!!!

*decorates your hair with flowers because spring... yayyy!*

Playlist
Supermassive Black Hole- Muse
7 years- Lukas Graham
Old scars/ Future Hearts- All time low
Simply Cup- Melanie Martinez
I feel like dancin'- All time low
The world was wide enough- Hamilton
Who lives, who dies, who tells your story- Hamilton
Washington on your side- Hamilton
One last time- Hamilton
I know him- Hamilton
Burn- Hamilton
Blow us all away- Hamilton