Confetti It's A PARADE! Of Supernatural Imagines.

Sam's Deepest Desire Part 2

After the wife was dropped off at her house, thank yous and farewells exchanged, the three of you climbed back into the Impala for the long ride back to the bunker.

You were sitting in your usual spot, behind Sam, which was a good thing. Usually you would take the time to lean forward, and wrap your arms around his neck, or run your fingers through his hair. But now you could lean back, against the window, and he wouldn't know about the tears that trailed down your cheeks, or the silent sobs that racked your body. Thank god for the cover of darkness.

"Y/N, you okay?" Sam asked, noticing how quiet you were.

You stayed silent, pretending to be asleep, knowing that your voice would betray how sad and betrayed you felt. He left you alone, instead turning to his brother for conversation.

"So Y/N was the one who stabbed the heart?" He asked his brother Dean.

"Yeah she came sneaking in, and while I was tangling with the witch, I pointed out the heart." Dean explained, and you were glad he didn't say anything of your tear stained face or your upset demeanor.

Sam was quiet for a moment, before speaking again. "Do you think she saw anything else?" Sam asked quietly.

You wanted to open your eyes, to see what was going on, but you didn't want to risk exposure, so you kept your eyes shut, your breathing normal.

"She didn't seem herself, but I'm not sure why. Maybe from being put on baby sitting duty." Dean guessed.

"That's probably it, she hates being left behind." Sam agreed, and you thought they would leave it at that.

"Hey Sam, what did you see down there anyways? You seem kinda spooked." Dean asked quietly, no doubt not wanting to wake you.

"It was nothing." Sam brushed the question off, and the ride turned silent, classic rock playing quietly on the radio. Slowly you drifted to sleep, the days events exhausting you more than you realized.

Not sure how much later, you felt yourself being lifted in the air by a pair of strong arms. You shifted, trying to wake up, but Sam's voice soothed you, and you found yourself drifting to sleep again.

The next time you awoke, it was to find a pair of strong arms wrapped around you, and a warm body pressed against your back. At first it felt wonderful, but then memories of yesterdays hunt came back, and you couldn't stay in that bed any longer.

Gently sliding out, you were grateful to see that you hadn't woken Sam. Tip toeing out of the room, you quietly shut the door behind you, before making your way down the hallway to the library.

Surprised to see a light on, you noticed Dean sitting in one of the chairs, a drink in his hand. Not wanting to interrupt, you turned around, planning on heading to your old room when Dean's voice stopped you.

"Y/N, I know you're there, come have a drink with me." He said, his voice tired and gruff.

You cooperated, sitting down across from him, watching as he poured a generous amount of whiskey for you. Taking a sip you stayed silent, letting the whiskey burn down your throat.

"So what the hell happened back there? And don't lie to me. I might not know you as well as Sam, but I would like to think I'm your friend." Dean asked in a voice that booked no arguments.

Using the whiskey as courage, you spoke for the first time since the hunt. "I found Sam before I found you."

"I figured." Dean replied.

Continuing on, you told him about Jess, and what she had said. Dean listened quietly, not interrupting but giving you a chance to speak.

Once you were done, he finally voiced his opinions. "I could see her being his deepest desire. She was his first love, a love taken away. It's not easy to get over something like that, and some people never do. But it doesn't mean he doesn't love you."

"That's right." Another voice said from behind you, a sleepy voice belonging to Sam. He came and sat down next to you, trying to take your hand in his, but you snatched it away, still not ready for contact yet.

"I was wondering if you had seen that. When you were so quiet, I could tell you were hurting. I was just waiting for you to bring it up, to say something."

"What's to say? It's hard battling a dead girlfriend for the love of a man." You said, furious when a tear leaked out.

"I'm just gonna leave." Dean stayed, getting up from the table and leaving the room, but neither of you payed him any attention.

"When I went after the curse, I wasn't even sure it would show itself to me. After all, Dean was the one who kissed the wife. But for some reason she did, and I was just as shocked as you to see Jess standing in front of me." He started explaining.

"Yeah it would be weird to see the love of your life standing in front of you after all these years." You stated, your heart hurting even just thinking about it.

Sam sighed before continuing.
"What I'm trying to say is that I wasn't expecting her. I was expecting it to be you. Of course I loved Jess, and a part of me always will. But I love you, more than anything in the world. You should have been my deepest desire, not her. That part of my life is over."

You were starting to thaw towards him, but the hurt was still there. "You're just saying that to get on my good side."

He shook his head, wrapping his fingers through yours, and this time you let him. "I would never lie to you, especially not about something like this. Please believe me. You're my everything, and I don't know what I would do without you."

You sighed, knowing you had already forgiven him. "I believe you. And I'm sorry I didn't try to talk to you about it. It just hurt so bad."

Sam wiped away the errant tear that had escaped. "I will make it up to you, I promise. But for now, can we just go back to bed?"

You agreed, your heart much lighter knowing that while Jess had a hold on his past, you were his present, and hopefully future.