Ready to Take on the World

Chapter 1: Bad memories keep me up all night

I was walking through the hall with my mum, when I saw the fire.

''Mum, the kitchen is on fire!'' I yelled.

The fire was spreading very fast and before we knew it, it was in front of us. We tried to run, but it was almost like we couldn't run away. The next second something exploded and threw us back into the wall. My ears were ringing, but all I could think about was mum. I looked around, still not hearing anything except ringing and saw my mum on the floor. As I crawled to her, my hearing came back. I tucked on the sleeve of her blue blouse, but when I got no response I started to panic. I screamed. First I called for my father, then for my brothers. But again no response. It was like my voice got lost in the fire, like the flames ate it. The fire monster didn't let my screams pass through.

I was stuck in a house on fire with my mum lying on the floor unconscious, with nobody to help me. And I was only 10 years old.

Something fell and almost landed on my mum. She slowly opened her eyes and whispered:''Kailynn.''

I barely heard her, but fortunately I did. When she motioned for me to come closer to her, I crawled to reach her. She said:''I'm stuck sweetie. Now you run and get out of here, do you hear me? Save yourself.''

I looked down and saw that the thing that almost fell on my mum, actually did fall on her. I turned to look into her face only to see horror in her eyes.

''No mum, I won't leave you, I can't.''

''Yes you can sweetheart. Go baby, run.''

She pushed me with her hands, causing me to distance myself from her.

''But mum...''

''No buts honey, remember what momma taught you-be strong and brave no matter what. Promise me that baby.''

I nodded. Tears rolling down my cheeks I said:''Momma I promise. Forever.''

A flame caught my mother's leg in I couldn't believe how she did not scream of pain. Instead she just stayed calm and motioned for me to go. Even if it was just for a few seconds, she held all the pain and the tears in, so that I would not see her hurt, but that I could remember her not for how much she suffered from that fire, but for what she really was-a strong, independent, kind, amazing woman-my mum.

The last thing she said was:''I believe in you and I love you sweetheart.''

I could barely see through the waterworks that were obscuring my vision, but I still found strength within me to reply:''I love you too momma.''

Then I ran out of the house and it was a miracle that I made it out. What did I know. I was only 10.

I woke up screaming and sitting up in bed. I was pulling my hair and was breathing fast. My oldest brother Dalton came running into my room hugging me and trying to calm me down.

''Kailynn, it was just a nightmare, calm down.''

I hugged him tightly never wanting to let him go. Crocodile tears streamed from my sore eyes down onto his pjs. He rubbed my back and I said:''No, it was real.''

Slowly I stopped crying and opened my soar eyes. Two of my other brothers were sitting on my bed. I guess when they heard me yelling they got concerned. All of my brothers were so caring and loving towards me.

I distanced myself from Dalton a little bit and wiped my tears into my pj's sleeves.

''I'm fine, thanks guys.''

''You sure?'' asked another one of my brothers Ian. I just nodded and they got up. Some of them already left my room and when Dalton got up to leave I grabbed his hand and said:''Can you stay please?''

He smiled, saying:''Of course.''

His smile was one of the most beautiful things in the world that I have ever seen. Maybe because it reminded me of ... mum's.

He hugged me and I pushed my head closer to his chest. It was only at these times that I felt completely safe. One of my brothers embracing me, making what I felt was an unbreakable shield around me.

I needed my brothers, because I was scared. When I was ten my parents died in a fire, caused by a glitch in the wiring. Our house burned to the ground and me and my brothers barely made it out. The nightmares that I got were always about that. How I left my mum behind, how I felt so guilty for that even thought everyone said it wasn't my fault. I had at least one nightmare per three days. I could not sleep, because the fear of having nightmares always kept me awake. The only time I could fall asleep was when one of my brothers was with me. I was also terrified of the fire. I mean it's logical. My parents burned to death and I almost did too. I always wonder why they died such a terrible death. Why did they have to suffer so much? But I guess that's life.

You must wonder: But she was 10 when it happened, she's 16 now. How come the nightmares happen now, after all this time? Well, even I'm not sure about that one. The nightmares started a couple months ago and the doctor said that I was too young to really comprehend what had happened to my parents and now that I was starting to mature, I couldn't let it go. I don't know and honestly I don't care. What I want to know is how to get rid of them. I visit a therapist, but it doesn't really help a lot. The only thing that does help are my loving brothers.

But those are not the only problems. I also have an anger problem. When I get mad I scream and break things, it just comes and happens so uncontrollably. That's another reason why I visit a therapist.

I've mentioned my brothers so many times that I have to tell you something about them now. Thankfully after my parents died I was not left alone, because, yes, I have four older brothers. Dalton (24), who took custody of all of us after our parents died, because he had just turned 18, then Ian (22), Peter (19) and Brian (18). It definitely wasn't a piece of cake for Dalton, but he was strong and he brought us all up. He became almost like a father to us, I guess I could say the man of the house (even though I was actually the only girl in the house). But my brothers were all strong and independent, protecting of and caring for each other and me.

I know girls with older brothers say that it's a living hell, but not so much for me. I get along with my brothers very well. Kinda strange if you think about it. Yes, they pull pranks on me sometimes, but they're mostly nice and they support me. I'm starting to think they are not my brothers.

Peter and Brian are the jokers of the house. They mess with me the most, but of course like I said not a lot. But Ian and Dalton ... that's a whole 'nother story. After my parents died they had to grow up quickly, because they had three children to take care of. Me (I was 10), Peter (he was 13) and Brian (he was 12). I know Ian was only 16, but giving the circumstances we were in, he was forced to grow up quicker than he could've if our parents hadn't died. And Ian and especially Dalton did a good job keeping us safe from then on. After the fire my brothers were all I really had and I love them very much and I know they love me too.

The only thing that bothers me about them is that when it comes to boys they are very protective of me. Overprotective. According to them, no man will ever be good enough for me, but ... maybe one was. And that is where my story begins.