Ready to Take on the World

Chapter 4: I'm the decision maker

A few minutes later I still hadn't reached Eva and Nicky. I didn't know where they were. As I was walking I decided it was better if I kept this encounter a secret. It wasn't such a big deal (as if), plus if I told my friends they might end up blurting it out. And I wasn't gonna tell my brothers anyway.

I almost reached the main door, when a boy with black curly hair stepped in front of me. He was a little smaller than me and seemed a little younger. He had a happy smirk on his face. His eyes were full of excitement. As soon as I returned the smile, his smile became a chuckle.

''Hi,'' he said in a surprisingly high voice, making me think he was a girl. Look, it was really hard to tell, the guy really did look like both genders. You should've seen him.

''Um, you're Kailynn Baker right?'' He said in a high, but brave voice.

His look went from my face to a piece of paper that he had in his hands. Like he was checking something.

''Yeah, I am. Why?''

''Well, first of all, I'm Mike. We're doing this project in our Psychology class. We're doing presentations on themes we've chosen. I chose loss of a loved one and consequently, grief. My teacher told me I should find someone who's been through something like that and do some research about them. But she also told me that I can get a higher grade if I talk to them and do an interview. So, since you lost your parents I thought ...''

'Yeah, you boy, came to the wrong place. Got nothing to offer, sorry.'

''Well do some research then. You don't have to talk to me right? I'm sure the teacher can cut you some slack for not doing an interview. Or find someone else. Like, why would I talk to you about that?''

''Well I just thought ... you know ... cause you go to this school and all. Plus, I kinda checked twice, no one else in this school has been through an accident as horrible as yours. Which you obviously survived.'' He says awkwardly.

I stared at him for a few moments, still trying to process what he said and then I blurted out:''What about my brother?''

The next moment I regreted what I proposed, I basically offered him my brother just like that.

He scratches his chin, like he has a beard, and says:''Well, you're a girl. I already did some research for my presentation and found out that women are usually more affected by traumas like that. Not that I want to take advantage of you or anything ...'' He says, a little bit scared, and I can see he's a bit lost, not knowing what to say.

So I put him out of his misery by saying:''Look, sorry, but I can't do this. I'm sorry, I just can't talk about them.''

I walked away and sped up before tears started rolling down my eyes.

The day went by normally, beside that. That night I had a nightmare again, but this time I didn't wake up screaming or pulling my hair. I woke up realising the only one who can stop the nightmares is me. Nobody is gonna help me, I was alone in this. Yeah, a lot of people supported me and loved me, but the bad dreams were not going to end themselves. I had to do something. But I had no idea what.

Then I remembered that boy Mike. Maybe it was a good idea I started talking about it somewhere and with someone else than just with my shrink in that stinky, little room. Although, Mike did sound a bit like my shrink.

But I didn't want to talk about it with someone I didn't know and I only had one brief encounter with (not to mention I did the same with my shrink, since that's what's he's there for). I wanted to talk to Mike, I had to. I had to force myself to do it, cause otherwise I wouldn't have done anything. I had to get stuff of my chest. But first I had to talk to someone familiar. My friends didn't understand and my brothers were just too familiar. I had to think about it. Maybe that Mike wasn't such a bad idea after all.