Study Buddy: A Chris & Miya Story

Chapter 39.5 (Therapy)

Miya

I tugged on my sleeves and my eyes roamed the floor, observing every little detail. Anything to ignore Mrs. Hall's questions. My heart pounded fast out of nervousness, and it's crazy to me. I'm in this office every other time, from time to time, and yet my nerves act up every single time.

"Miya, I can't help you if you won't let me." Mrs. Hall says. I shift my eyes to her notepad.

"How come you write down notes, any time I say something?" I sneer. I wanted to be polite, but it came out  nasty.

"Well, for one I want to see if we are improving from the last visits, and I want to piece together what the actual problem is."

I shake my head and scoff. Rolling my eyes, I start to look everywhere but at her.

"Please answer the question, honey." She pleads. "Do you think your childhood is the... Burden?"

Childhood? Revolving babysitters, constant gifts to fill the void of being alone. Mom was to busy sniffing cocaine and sipping Hennessy, to be worried about my odd behavior. Due to the fact he was a single parent, he had to worry about building his empire. Dad's business trips were almost an every other week thing, he wanted to make sure I was never going to suffer.

"I think I'm fine."

"Okay... But I need you to answer the question. You're doing much better now, let's continue okay?"

Blaming my childhood, is something I don't want to do. I'm not ready to crack open the story again."I'm fine." I mumble.

Flashes of my mom crying, and dad yelling fill my head. I see her laying in the middle of the doorway, dragging herself in, because she's too intoxicated. Seeing my dad cry over while she was out and about doing unmentionable things. That hurts, seeing the one man, my dad, the strongest man in the world, cry... I remember it like it was yesterday.

"Miya, listen-"

Within in a second, it's like a bomb went off. I couldn't hold back. "I'm fine! Okay?! Blaming my childhood would be blaming my mom! And I don't want to do that, everything's fine!" I stand up and grab my phone off of the couch. And in all one swift movement, I'm ready to leave. "God."

"Miya, I'm sorry. But you're not fine." She says, just as my hand touches the door knob. My vision becomes blurry as I'm imaging how she's sitting and watching me.

I squeeze the door knob and take a deep breath. "But how are you going to tell me? Can this session be over, I have somewhere to be."

I rather be getting ready to go to the movies, a plan Angie, Tyra and I discussed. We talked all night, last night, since Chris didn't call me back.

This session is making want to rip my hair our, and I don't want to be in a bad mood.

She cleared her throat. "I understand, but could you sit down for one second? Let's conquer this issue."

I turn around to glare at her. I cross my arms over my chest and lean against the door. The anger in me feels like it's clogging my airways with flames. No matter how hard I try to keep it bottled up, I explode every time.

"Let's set aside my previous question, is that okay?" She asks. It's takes awhile but I nod. She smiles and motions for me to take my seat again.

"Oh my God." I mumbled, scratching my hair. I drag myself over to the chair and sit down.

"What are the main things you worry about, that kind of stress you, right now?" She questions, and stares at me.

I played with the string attached to my sweatpants. I breath slowly and think for a moment. "Well... School, for sure."

"What college are you going to?" She asks, writing down something in her notepad.

"I don't know yet, but I have two narrowed down. I'm applying next semester."

"Okay..." She says, with a tone of waiting for me to continue. Her eyes watch her notepad and her pencil stays in her hand, ready to write.

I toss ideas, and thoughts around in my mind. "And, I guess... I don't know, my boyfriend." I said.

"Your boyfriend? Chris right?"

I nod. "I worry about him more than anything... Sometimes." Which is true. Chris is my priority, I shouldn't be so caught up with him. But I can't help myself, with how much I love him. I worry for his future sometimes, before anything else. I guess sometimes I worry that he'll grow tired of me, but that's just my insecurities picking at me.

"Is that the same on his end as well?"

"I'd like to think that." He does worry about me too... Well, he appreciates me. He tells me he loves me all the time.

"Is he stressing you out?"

"What? Chris? No..." I shake my head. "He just pushes me sometimes." I pause. "For the better."

"For the better?" She questions, pushing her eyebrows together.

"Yeah, like I'm really shy and he kind pushes me to be more outgoing."

"And what's his definition of outgoing?"

"Exactly what outgoing means." I snap, feeling a little uncomfortable with her questioning.

"So, it's a regular relationship? No stress?"

"No stress."

"But I asked you to tell me what stresses you, and..."

"Oh... Okay." I say, with a high pitch tone, "but you also asked what I'm worried about."

She stares at me for awhile, and jots down some more things on her notepad. It seems like she wants to ask another question, but the mean face I have on warns her.

"Okay, you want to continue or end the session and continue next time?"

"Rhetorical question, right?" I say and stand up.

I don't know where this is going, but the more 'help' I get the more I feel crazy. The more I feel like my brain is going to explode with a million thoughts of how can I stop being crazy is what's making me go crazy.

-Excuse the errors