Study Buddy: A Chris & Miya Story

Chapter 66

Miya

There's those moments in a movie when the characters are so happy, unrealistically happy. That specific scene in a love story where I just want to reach in a swap moments with the girl, and be the one to feel loved.

I always thought about moments like that, and dreamt about moments like that. The moment where they pause and look at each other as if they've got everything in life figured out. As if, nothing is more special than them being together. And every emotion gets spilled in with the other, and they mix. They mix and their love becomes one. All that and they're just staring into each other's eyes... And then they kiss. Their hearts race and they just can't get enough of each other, the moments are just movements. But to them it's everything, it's the pause to catch their breath and the pause to smile. And then they kiss again, then they smile even harder.

Chris made me feel like that.

Even though my heart hurts, and it's all because of him. But I'm laying here in my bed, in his t-shirt, because I miss him. The good and the bad. Just him.

I shuffled around the house, imagining and thinking what's he doing right now. And is he thinking about me right now, does he miss me... The way I miss him?

I awkwardly walk in my dad and Tracy's room...

Dad's at work, he found out yesterday when I was crying in my room. I told Tracy, who was comforting me, not to tell my dad. The little bit of hope I had for us was there and I was worried if my dad found he wouldn't allow Chris here ever again. But when he caught me crying in my room, with Tracy comforting me I told him that Chris and I broke up, but I refused to tell him the reason. He was more understanding than I thought he would've been.

I didn't want to cry in front of Tracy but she made me feel that it was okay and I appreciated that she could be there for me.

I hug her awkwardly and soon it just became normally, and comfortable. "Thanks for yesterday." I say softly.

"Don't thank me, that's what I'm here for... Sit down." She says, and pats the empty space next to her. "How are you feeling?"

She makes me feel bad for not opening up to her in earlier times. But I let that thought slip. And now I'm thinking about the modeling opportunity. "Okay, um... Do you remember that opportunity that I told you that I received?"

"Yeah, modeling in New York." She cheerfully said. "What about it?"

"Well... I'm thinking about calling Kaden and telling him yes, but I feel like I'm acting off impulse." I said sounding uneasy. But it's the truth, I do feel like I'm acting off of impulse.

"What do you mean?" She asks, with her eyebrows pushed together.

I sighed. "It's like, I wanted to say yes from day one. But I was worried that my dad would say no, but he said he would support me. Mom too...Then I worried about my friends, but I know they'll support me. Our friendship is tight." I said. "But... It's Chris that I was mainly worried about—but we're not together anymore. And my mind is racing to say yes, because I feel like I owe it to myself to be happy, but..."

"You're still worried about what he'll think?" She asked.

"No, it's... Would he find someone else, and..." A heat wave rushes through me, and I stare at Tracy. My focus is not on her really, it's Chris' face in my mind. My cheeks flush in sadness and I feel the water settle in my eyes. "And," I sniff. "What if he gets over me, and forgets me... While I'll never get over him." I pause. "So in my mind if I accept this offer I'll have something to focus on. That's what I mean." I breath in through my nose and exhale through my mouth, but my chest still felt heavy. As so the tears.