Relapse ★ Bucky Barnes

An Undescribable Pain

The Zaytinya restaurant in Washington DC was packed full of people, including Wanda and Marlena. After sitting through a two hour movie and walking through the mall for another hour and a half, the two decided to sit down and have a nice meal, though there had been more talking than eating really.

Wanda had been up Marlena's ass about her recurring nightmares and her mental state as of lately, and Marlena wasn't all too happy about it. Aside from Bucky, Wanda was the only other person who knew what was going on with her. Not only was Wanda a telepath as Marlena was and could read her mind, she was also going through a bit of PTSD herself, though hers did not stretch to the painful extent in which Marlena's did.

Wanda had lost her entire family, she'd lost her home, and she'd been experimented on by Hydra as well, though it was by her choice. Marlena had lost a majority of her family, she'd lost the person she used to call her best friend, she was kidnapped by Hydra, abused, experimented on, given deadly abilities, made into a deadly weapon, and was thrown into a fight that wasn't hers to win; now she was not only dealing with her own problems, but she was trying to help Bucky deal with his as well. Marlena had a lot more on her plate than Wanda did; she had every right to feel the way she did, at least in Wanda's opinion she did. She just couldn't help the fact of wanting to help her, though.

"Have you thought about a therapist?" Wanda chuckled as she pushed her empty plate away from her.

Marlena gave her a look and shoved a piece of lettuce into her mouth. "Why do I need a therapist when I have you?"

"I'm not licensed."

Marlena scoffed and shook her head. "I don't need a therapist. There's none out there that would understand everything going on inside of my mind anyway."

"Let's be honest here, Marlena," Wanda started. "You don't even understand everything going on in your mind; that's part of the reason why you struggle so much."

"There's just so much I can't grasp—so much that I can't keep up with," Marlena sighed, a frown falling onto her face. "All I know is that during this past year, things have changed rather drastically, and it hasn't necessarily been for the good."

"You're right; it hasn't been for the good," Wanda replied. "I have spent the past year watching as you slowly spiral downward—both you and Bucky."

Marlena looked down at her plate at the mention of Bucky. She'd spent so long trying to bring him back to the person he used to be, yet she had lost him to a single mental relapse. He was still more or less himself around her, but Marlena knew him better than she knew herself; she knew better than anyone that he had changed and was still changing. She'd been so focused on making sure he was okay that she had forgotten to make sure she was. She couldn't help it, though. She loved Bucky more than anything, and she wouldn't hesitate to put his well-being above her own. He was her main priority and he always would be.

"Bucky," Marlena repeated his name quietly. "He's going through so much right now."

"You see, the difference between you and Bucky is that Bucky has accepted that there is something wrong with him," Wanda breathed out. "He's trying to help himself while trying to help you, too; you're only worried about him and helping him when you should be worried about helping yourself as well."

Marlena pushed her plate away and folded her arms across the table. "I know that I should, but I just can't bring myself to do it."

"You need to, Marlena. How are we supposed to help you when you can't even help yourself? Do you know how much it hurts Bucky to see you the way you are?"

"Do you know how much it hurts me to see him the way he is?" Marlena followed, raising her eyebrows at her cousin.

Wanda nodded. "I feel what you feel, just as you feel what I feel. But I have a question: have you even told Bucky the reason why Pietro's death affects you so much? Have you told him exactly why that contributed to your mental condition—why it still does?"