Path to Deciduous (Sequel to Road to Evergreen) | #Wattys2018

t h i r t y - n i n e

Song for this chapter:
One Dance- Bobi Androv

Lesley's P.O.V

"Thou shalt not judge, because thou hast fucked up in the past also," he says with a serious face.

I bite down a laugh. "I'm not sure if it's deep or hilarious." I'm supposed to be mad. Why am I slowly finding my self on the verge of giving in?

I turn to him, blinded. "Maybe we'll meet again, when we are slightly older and our minds less hectic, and I'll be right for you and you'll be right for me. But right now, I'm a chaos to your thoughts and poison to my heart."

He frowns as he stands up. "I'm a catastrophic mess, and that's the last thing you need right now. But this mess loves you endlessly."

"Your words mean nothing when your actions are the complete opposite," I say. He tenses, taken off guard with my absurd quote.

"What's it to me, if you love me or miss me or need me when you are doing nothing to be with me. If you can't allow me to be the love of your life I will be the loss of your life instead." He steps closer sliding his palm over my arm leaving ecstatic trails of heat.

"He doesn't realize that every time he lies, he's committing suicide in front of me. He's killing everything I see in him. If only he could be honest, Because God knows I hate to watch him bleed." His hand stops midway but only to capture my hand in his.

"We destroy the things we fear; sometimes, some of us are afraid of love, afraid that it leaves us vulnerable, exposed and open, afraid that it may destroy us, and so we destroy instead." But that's not an excuse. His mind might be in a different universe but that doesn't allow him to invade mine and leave it uglier than before.

"I'm not afraid of love, I'm afraid of your definition of love," I fire back. He entangles our fingers and I watch him. The face that I came used to drawing a portrait in my mind every time I remember him. He's perfect, yet imperfect in every way.

"Hard to sit here and be close to you, and not kiss you." He steps even closer. "I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be." When I say nothing, he keeps going, determined. "Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching. and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope- into a better shape." My silence is torturing him. But before he even says the next sentence I cut him off. "No man chooses evil because it is evil; he only mistakes it for happiness, the good he seeks."

He doesn't even take a second to think of his next quote, it just flows. "And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good."

"You can't put her in a cage and expect her song to be about you."

He shakes his head. "I don't. I expect that one day I'll hear myself in one of your thousand songs that you shall chant. And then, I'll have myself content with those lustrous gold of yours." He grazes my cheek and my eyes almost flutter under his touch. I miss him.

"Lis?"

My eyes open wide as I come back to reality. I let go. I walk out the the bedroom door and to the kitchen. I hear his footsteps behind me.

"I'm preparing something to eat," I find myself explaining. "I'm starving."

"Pizza?" He encourages. I nod. He let me be for some minute as he orders it. I lay my elbows on the kitchen counter and burry my head down. Underneath me is my father. What am I going to do? I need to tell mom. I need to tell Harry. I need to get this over with.