Path to Deciduous (Sequel to Road to Evergreen) | #Wattys2018

f o u r t y - f o u r

"We were the people who were not in the papers. We lived in the blank white spaces at the edges of print. It gave us more freedom. We lived in the gaps between the stories." - Margaret Atwood, 1985
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Songs for this chapter:

Run- Snow Patrol

The fray - You found me
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Lesley's P.O.V

I open the toilet cabinet as the rows of pills stare back at me. I want to cry and scream but nothing is coming out. I feel empty and I need something to fill me. I pop the bottle open as red pills pile up inside. Not having read the label, I pour a handful in my hand, lean my head back and throw them to the back of my throat. I open the sink as the water runs down and cup some, ready to swallow them. Ready for this to end. And I do as the heavy thickness slides down uneasily.

I almost jump as the door breaks open and Kyan runs to me. He turns me around to face him and places his fingers in my mouth, shoving them down my throat. It's complete reflex as my stomach squeezes painfully, emptying everything on the floor. The red pills fill the floor and my body starts shaking. I fall to the ground unable to breath. I am reaching out for air but nothing is entering. I'm choking alive.

"Kyan," I wheeze. "I. Can't. Breathe." I start crying. This is so painful. My arms wrap around my body, hugging myself as I rock back and forth on the floor. I cry myself to sleep.

****

The sheets feel heavy around me, so I sit up straight, feeling the world spin with a heft of a moment. It's day time as the sun pours through the window, shading me. As if this day haven't passed by, I don't remember it.

I blinked more times than I can remember, making sure I wasn't deceived. He found me. He finally found me. At that moment, with him staring back me with those green eyes of his, I forgave him, forgetting every wrong or right that ever came upon me. I followed where his eyes were wandering as they landed around my wrist. My blood ran cold as my heart painfully beat out of my chest. I wanted to explain it all but how could I? It looked worse than words.

My wrist feels light and when I bring it up to my eye level, it explains itself. The handcuff is no longer around my wrist which sends me to assumption that Kyan managed to pick the lock. I reach beside me on the bedside counter for the cup of orange juice and an aspirin. I chuck it down, leaving the pill aside. I had enough for one day. Beside that, lays the black leather notebook that Adam threw on the ground. I forgot about it, but Kyan must have left it here, reminding me. Without futher hesitation, I grab it. The fragile rough paper flips easily upon my fingers as ink is scribbled everywhere.

I never wanted it to end
After everything, it fades
All the time I gave to you
The times I spent saving up for you
To give you what you love
And you'd gift me back with a smile
Oh, what I would do to see that smile one more time

Learn to worry about yourself from now on
You deserved it
I guess I loved you more than I loved myself

I know I'm crying. I know this is his song writing book that he always kept hidden from me. I know the sky is blue and his eyes are green. But, I don't know where we stand.

I am dancing with my shadow
No longer coming to life
She said you need to know
I'm quickest with the knife

If I only I burst into daylight
I wouldn't have anything left to say
Tug at my strings, play with my name
After all, she never showed up any way
Even in the dark, she'd hunt me away