Path to Deciduous (Sequel to Road to Evergreen) | #Wattys2018

f o u r t y - e i g h t

Lesley's P.O.V

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"I woke up with the light cascading through the curtains, I look beside me and imagine you next to me, bodies tangled to keep each other warm."

I shut the book as guilt creeps up on me. I'm supposed to think about Kyan, but why does Adam always intrude?

I learnt. I learned that your first love gets all your heart. Your second love gets half of your heart and half of your mind. I'm reckoning the third one gets only the mind.

Kyan and I started as best friends. He helped me get out of the abyss I was trapped in and for that I will be forever grateful. One thing lead to another and I fell for him. I can't believe my life turned out to be exactly like those novels I read: a love triangle.

I wanted closure more than anything with Adam. We never had one since it ended ugly. I convinced Kyan to go for the funeral in hope of a closure but God if I only knew that all the years that passed would drag me back to square one.

I'm madly in love with Adam. That for a fact has never changed, but perhaps let go of. Knowing Kyan is coming any minute into the room, makes my stomach ache and ache and ache. A sudden rush of guilt creeps up on me. Is this what cheating is about? I haven't cheated. So as soon as Kyan enters the room, I stand up and walk to him. His face falls when he notices my wet cheeks. I inhale and exhale about thirty times before I hug him.

"I need to let you go," I whisper to him.

"What do you mean?" He asks.

"I can't be your best friend anymore."

He holds my face confused. "Why?"

"You're better off without me," I reply. "I said no at the alter. I turned your life ugly. My heart isn't yours as much as I tried giving you what's left of it." I look at him. "You're a beautiful person, Kyan."

"Lis, where is this coming from?"

"I saw him. I went for closure, I promise you. But it hurts. God, it hurts." Tears rush down. "And what hurts more is knowing that I'm hurting you as well. You deserve better." I say while shaking.

"Stop saying to someone who loves you that he deserve better. You're the better."

I sigh. "I thought you don't love me anymore, Kyan." I step away.

He looks away, staring at ballerina box on the counter. "I thought I didn't. But now, knowing there's someone else, I can't hold it in."

I fold my arms. "That's not fair."

"How is it not fair? Knowing you are running back to him after me? Running back to the first love? What was I? This shows I had no significance in your life. That you were using me just to get over him!" He starts yelling.

I flinch as he knocks off the ballerina box to the floor. "That's not true! And I'm not yours nor his. I'm no ones for now. And..."

"For now?" He interrupts. He laughs. "You're planning to go back to him?"

"I- I," I clear my throat. "I don't know, Kyan. Everything is a blur and I know I can't stay talking to you because I don't know what my next actions will be. I am tired as well of pleasing everyone!" I shout. "When do I get to please myself? Huh?"