Hold me Tight | Vkook

Forgive me

Taehyung laid Jungkook to their bed, pulling up the covers to the youngers body so he won't get cold, he sighed and brushed Jungkooks hair using his own fingers, his fringes were soft and smooth, some were sticking because of sweat as he brushed them away showing the youngers forehead, he leaned in and placed a soft kiss on top of it. Pressing their foreheads together, he took his time to examine the others features, and all that he could ever think about was he's still beautiful, he remembered how he usually stares at him under the night, his eyes were closed as he cuddles between Taehyungs arms, and the older didn't have to find a galaxy or a single star in Jungkooks eyes, because he's more than enough to brighten his night.

Nothing really changed after he retrieved his memories back, the feeling still felt the same every time he looked at him, how his heart would race a rapid speed every time they kiss, how his heart will ache every time he sees Jungkook smile, he's so gorgeous, what did he ever do to deserve him?, he was scared of admitting his true feelings that time, he could have just left them from the start when he still had the chance, because he's a coward, and he can't protect them, but turns out, he was thrilled and impossible for him to back out, Jungkook held him closely and tightly, depending his life on the trust he gave Taehyung, only to realize that, his feelings never really left him, it was always there, but forgotten.

He felt Jungkook whimpered as he backed away, releasing a long sigh before he stood up, getting a help from the side table for support, he accidentally dropped the innocent lifeless notebook Jungkook owns yet so important for the brown haired male, curiosity hit him once his hands touched the leather object, some ripped pages and unfamiliar pictures showing off that he decided to push them in, the wind blew roughly, an old picture fell flat on the ground as he crouched down to take time to examine, it was their old family photo when Taegguk was still a new born baby, he pick the picture and opened the notebook.

There were random notes and busy schedules written on it, he flipped through some of the pages, as he noticed the long written page, he looked back at Jungkook, still on that lying position while peacefully sleeping, little soft snores coming out from his agape lips that the other found it extremely cute, he looked back at the page, date writted on top, small little doodles as he started to read.

5/26/16

Everything had happened so fast, the days of my cruel nights suddenly vanished in just a blink of an eye, He changed so suddenly, I didn't know if I should be more glad about it that finally I'm seeing the old side of Taehyung, the Taehyung that I've been longing for to be with, but I'm scared. Everyday of waking up beside him, how he smiles so sweetly in front of me after we give each other our morning greetings, everything went from salty to sweet real quickly, it frightens me even more that everyday I had remind myself of not getting used to this, and everything felt so challenging day by day.

I knew for the fact that I was just his rebound, his hobby, his distraction to keep himself not to miss Hoseok hyung too much, I was just his second option, no, I was the only option. He doesn't remember a single thing yet, and I couldn't calm myself down, Hoseok will come back soon, and someday this cruel reality of my life will wake me up from the dreamland Taehyung had let me borrow, I don't have a weapon to fight if that day finally comes, except for the fact that earlier I just found out that I was pregnant.

But no, a child is not a key for my victory, I won't use my child for a weapon, what kind of a parent am i?, I didn't want this living creature get involved, I didn't want to push this child to be accepted by it's father, to be loved forcefully, because what if in just a swift wrong move he'll disown my second child?, I want Taehyung to accept with open arms, and that will only happen if I know he's already ready.

5/28/16

Taegguk was so happy about the news by the way, I didn't get the chance to write yesterday since Taehyung kept bugging me, and I just remembered, he told us that we'll be moving to a new house, is this really the start of it?, it's exciting yet it's making me nervous even more.

But I still can't believe that I'm carrying another blessing, I'm sorry I wasn't able to talk to you out loudly, we have to stay quiet, or else Taehyung will take this the wrong way, so I decided to just write it all in this journal. I wonder what gender you are?, your sister said she changed her mind and wanted a baby brother instead, though I still prefer another girl, but who cares? we'll still love you mo matter who and what you are, that is my promise to you. Stay healthy okay? Just hang on, everything is going to be alright.

Dates and heartwarming letters can only be seen as he flipped through the next pages, countless sincere words and I love you's to the end of every letter made his heart broke, one more page remains that were written, ink still fresh and clean, date tells the most current time.

8/17/16

Eyes open, smiling lips, small hands that reaches mine as your cheeks turning crescents, heart beats in a normal speed, breathing the same air as me, baby soft skin as I held you closer to me, so precious, so fragile. That's how I imagine you in my arms, after nine months of waiting, you'll be able to breathe, roar your first cry, and giggle like a lullaby.

Then Taehyung will open the door, asking me if he can carry you, I'd say yes, I would always say yes, laughs will fill the room as Taegguk will suddenly barge inside the room, still on her school uniform, and then we'll be happy, we will always be. But turns out, Dreams can be broken, but will never be real.

And then there they are, asking for me to open the door, eat something, say something; I'm too lazy to walk, I'm not hungry, my throats gone dry. They want me to talk, they want me to cheer up, they want me to calm down, why? simply because I lost my child. They want me to appreciate Taehyungs change and effort, like as if they appreciated my sacrifices just to fight for our family; that Taehyung chose to push me away. How cruel.

You didn't got the chance to breathe, I haven't touched you yet I can feel you, I never knew you yet I still love you, but I won't even let you see this cruel world, I'm just glad that you're an angel now, I know the people from heaven will take good care of you, but it's just hard to accept and let go, so I'm sorry If I'll stay like this for a while. Forgive me.

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Nan/N I'll be busy...