The Darkness In Our Hearts (TDiOH Bk1)

Chapter 22: What I Want

My blurry eyes take in the white ceiling above me before I sit up slowly. A hand to my throbbing head, I survey the room. It's the same room I've been sleeping in while at Urahara's. Bitter laughter bubbled in my throat.

Back to this hell again.

Groaning, I got to my feet, hobbling over to the open door. Leaning heavily against the frame, I held a hand to my chest. Renji's attacked flashed through my mind and my chest throbbed with pain.

"Oh, good morning, Kera."

I looked up to see Ururu standing before me, holding a tray of food and a steaming mug of tea. I let her pass and she placed it on the floor.

"Good morning, Ururu." I kneeled on the ground before the food, taking the warm mug into my hands, blowing on it. "Thank you."

"No worries." She makes for the door before turning. "Mister Urahara wants you to meet him in the other spare room when you have finished eating; he needs to discuss something with you." With that, she closed the door quietly behind her.

Wonder why? Maybe so he can berate me on my stupidity.

Flashes of the night filtered in and I replayed them over and over in my head as I ate, a sick and heavy feeling like guilt settling in the bottom of my stomach. Would Rukia be executed now because I blurted out that she had transferred her powers? Am I to blame? Or had they already known the full details of Rukia's loss of powers?

I pounded the ground with my fist, head bowed. Then I realised, I didn't actually know if Rukia had been taken by Captain Kuchiki and Renji. Jumping to my feet, to be instantly brought back down with pain, I shuffled to the other spare room.

"Ah, Kera. Nice of you to join us," Urahara stated as I pushed open the door, a bandage- covered Ichigo standing beside him. "Oh, it seems the medicine wore off," he added when he noticed my bent form and shaking hands.

"No matter," I hissed, before taking a deep breath in and straightening, grimacing. "I've been dealt worse." Pause, glance around; it seems my fears were right. "Rukia's gone, isn't she?"

"Yes and now I have to help two soul reapers get their powers back."

"What happened after I passed out?" I asked Ichigo.

"I versed the red head, Renji, was it? I was beating him too, until the other guy came in." He looked solemn when he spoke next. "He defeated me and I didn't even see the attacks coming. I tried to stop them, by grabbing the end of that fancy guy's clothing, but Rukia kicked me off of him." His piercing eyes held mine. "She went with them to the soul society."

"So, now what?" I asked glumly, turning to Urahara. "What do we do?"

"There is nothing we can do." Ichigo was the one to answer me. "Unless you have some way to return to the soul society, then we have no other way to get in."

You're hopeless. Weak, pathetic, the blue dragon hissed, the voice throbbing in my ears. You let your friend get captured and now she'll surely die.

"There has to be a way!" I screamed at Urahara, hands clenched into fists.

"Maybe there really is a way to get to the soul society," Urahara mused.

"How? Tell me! How can I get there?" Ichigo shouted, stepping closer to Urahara.

"I'll tell you," Urahara began slowly. "I'll tell both of you, under one condition.... For the next ten days, you must allow me to train you."

"You're gonna teach me how to fight?" Ichigo asked incredulously and even I seemed a bit sceptical. Urahara did not look like a man who could fight. "There's no time for that! Who knows when they might decide to kill Rukia? Right now, we gotta-"

"You don't understand." Urahara's voice cut through the air and rendered Ichigo silent.

Suddenly, Ichigo was shoved to the ground, Urahara crouched over him and cane pointing down at Ichigo's nose. I hadn't even had time to react.

"What I'm trying to tell you is...they'll kill you," Urahara said down to Ichigo, his voice turning cold. "Could you win? If you fought them as you are?" Ichigo didn't answer and Urahara turned to me. "The same with you: you jump blindly into situations to save your friends but never think things through properly. Could you have won? You might have been strong before, but now you don't have any powers. Against a Captain, you would stand no chance."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. He was right.

"I allowed both of you to fight them this time because I thought it would make it easier for you to understand. At your current level's of ability, you wouldn't stand a chance in the soul society."

He was right, completely and utterly right. Maybe that's why I had to force back the frustrated tears springing into my eyes.

"You're weak. For you to venture into enemy's territory now would be suicide. You want to save Miss Kuchiki? Don't make me laugh." He was directing most of this at Ichigo, I realised. "Don't use her as an excuse to kill yourself."

In silence we waited, Urahara still bent over Ichigo. I watched the apple of Ichigo's throat bob as he swallowed. Urahara drew back his cane and stood up, letting Ichigo sit up.

"The soul society generally waits one month before executing a kyokushu, a capital offender. That should hold true for Miss Kuchiki as well. Ten days to abuse both of you," I glared at him, "Seven days to open the gate to the soul society and thirteen days for you to save her. We have plenty of time."

Ichigo sat in silence while I glanced at the walls, avoiding Urahara's gaze. "Can I get strong enough in just ten days?" Ichigo asked, voicing the same concern I held in my own heart.

"Of course," Urahara answered. "If you wish to save Miss Kuchiki with your whole heart, then you have at your disposal a power stronger than iron. But if your resolve is half- hearted, forget it. For the next ten days, I'm going to put you both through the wringer."

"Well, if we don't do this," Ichigo glanced my way, "there's nobody else who can, right?" His hand brushed through his orange spiky hair. "All right! Let's do it."

Urahara and Ichigo conversed with each other some more while I just stood in the corner. Did I really want to save Rukia? Was that the true reason I wanted to the return to the soul society?

"Kera." Urahara stood before me, along with some black cat sitting behind his feet. Hadn't noticed that before. Ichigo had disappeared as well. "Why do you want to go to the soul society?"

I hesitated to answer. "I want to help save Rukia but..." Here I trailed off. What did I really want? I wanted to return home to Squad 11, to be welcomed, not shunned; I wanted to eat candy with Yachiru, muck around with Ikkaku; I wanted to fight the captain, to be me again.

But I wasn't sure if that was possible. The minute I set foot in the soul society, I would have a target on my head. One put there by Kenpachi Zaraki himself and I was pretty sure he would deal the punish he saw fit. 

"I understand," Urahara said.

"You do?" I whispered.

"Yes." A pause. "However, there might be a slight problem. I'm not sure if you've been banned from the soul society yet. If you have..."

"Then I have no hope of ever going back," I finished for him. "And if I'm not banned?"

"Then it may well be a trap."