The Secret Life of the Bad Girl

Chapter 17

He leans closer to me, his face inches from mine. "From the moment you walked into the school that first day of school I wanted you. And you know what?" He whispers. "I still do."

                         ***

I want you.

It echoes through my mind again and again. Three words, eight letters, and not the ones I wanted to hear. They always filled me with a sense of dread, because every occasion they were used was against me.

I want you.

He murmured them before kissing me the first time.

I want you.

He said huskily as his lips wandered to my neck.

I want you.

He practically growled as his hands roamed my body.

I want you.

The only sentence in the that can scare me so badly. He said it every time I told him I was uncomfortable with what he was doing. He said it every time I told him I wasn't ready. And if I still protested it was followed by: "if you love me you'll do this." Or "this is what people do when they love each other.". He terrified me, but was the only person I felt secure with. When I found out he'd been cheating I was crushed. I'm still suffering from the scars caused by those three little words.

And now he said them again. He still wants me. I can't believe Michaels back in my life, much less that he still wants me. Hasn't he ruined me enough?

I must have been lost in thought for a while because next thing I know, footsteps are pounding up the stairs and someone's throwing my door open.

"Thank god you're okay." Thomas sighs in relief, slumping against the doorframe of my bedroom.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, still not over the shock of Michaels words.

"You weren't in any of our classes and some girl said she saw you being carried unconscious from school by a strange man. Jesus, you had us all so worried." He says in a rush. His breathing is still heavy from his run up the stairs.

I look at the floor meekly. "I'm sorry." I whisper.

"Are you okay?" Thomas asks in concern.

"No, not really." I reply blinking back tears.

"You want to talk about it?" He questions, hesitantly.

"No I don't." I reply.

"Let me text everyone and let them know I've got you. Then you can tell me." He comes and sits on the end of the bed beside me.

I sigh and fall back on the sheets. "It all happened freshmen year." I start. "I was just getting over a really bad incident when school started. On the first day, I met this senior guy and he was everything I had ever dreamed of. Handsome, smart, jock, popular. Never in a million years did I expect him to look my way. But he did.

At first, I was hesitant to even speak to him. I mean, he was the king of the school and I was just some lowly freshman. After getting to know each other for a month, he asked me to be his date to homecoming. I was flattered. At the dance he told me that he wanted me to be his girlfriend. I tried arguing that the age difference would never work. I was right. A fourteen year old had no business dating a guy who was nearly eighteen.

But Michael didn't care. He told me the age difference didn't matter. That he wanted me." I pause. "Then he kissed me." Skipping forward, I continue, "After a while it all seemed natural. He'd kiss me good morning at school and goodnight here before he'd leave. But then he wanted to take it to the next level."

"I-I don't think I want to hear anymore." Thomas stutterers.

I ignore him, completely locked in the past I hated. "Every time I resisted his advances he pulled the same thing. He'd say that if I loved him  I would do it." I am in tears by now. "He took everything from me. My first kiss, my heart, my childlike innocence. Then he cheated on me with several girls." My voice breaks and I can't continue any more.

Thomas pulls me upright and holds me tightly in his arms. He rubs my head and shushes me.

"It's okay." He murmurs.

"It's not." I choke out. "I hadn't seen him since I walked in on him making out with another girl, until today. He's back." I sob. "And he's our new teacher. And he s-says he st-still wants m-me."

Thomas pulls back at me staring in shock. "Jay I need you to answer a very important question for me okay?" He says seriously.

I nod weakly trying to dry the tears streaming down my face.

"What do you mean by he stole your 'childlike innocence?'" He asks slowly enunciating each word.

"He st-stole my virgin-nity." I say taking shuddering breathes.

Thomas's face instantly turns furious. "They gave that pedophile a job at our school? Why isn't he behind bars?"

"No body knows." I say in a small voice. "He raped me but I let him do it. You have to understand that this information can not be shared with anyone. My parents would disown me if they found out. I mean, that's the one rule they think I haven't broken!"

"I won't tell anyone." Thomas promises reluctantly. "But there is no letting someone rape you. He either raped you or you did it with him willingly."

I wring my hands in anguish as a fresh batch of tears comes round. "He forced me! But I couldn't tell anyone. It would have ruined my family. Especially my mother. I had to protect my mother." I say desperately.

Thomas nods. "Okay. It's okay now." He says taking me back in his arms.

I sigh closing my eyes. "Can you hold me while I take a nap?" I ask in a tiny voice.

"Why?" Thomas asks confusedly.

"Because I'm exhausted but I'm scared of the nightmares Michael might have triggered." I respond griping Thomas's shirt.

"Okay." He says pulling us down so that we are lying on the pillows. "I've got you."

With the reassurance from Thomas, I relax and allow my tired eyes to shut. It doesn't take long before I'm sleeping in his arms.