The Secret Life of the Bad Girl

Chapter 23

My dreams that night are plagued by memories and nightmares. However, thanks to the darn sedatives, I couldn't wake myself up from them. All night long I was stuck reliving the past. Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, I finally woke up.

My chest rises and falls quickly with my heavy breathing. My eyes flutter open and take in the scene around me.

Light is streaming in through my window, indicating the passage of time since I was last awake. The first aid kit is still resting on my bedside table. Logan is sprawled out asleep to my left. My sheets are still stained with blood from my hands and knees. I look around again and my suspicions are confirmed; There's no sight of Thomas anywhere. I knew I scared him off.

The next thing I do is analyze myself. I'm still dressed in nothing but a teeshirt. My head pounds due to the hangover I'm experiencing. My left hand and both knees burn from the cuts in them. My arm is incredibly sore from the injection Logan gave me. I glance down and see teddy Anakin still clutched in my right hand.

Sighing, I begin to climb out of bed only to wince in pain. My whole body aches terribly. Bracing myself, I manage to pull myself out of bed and into the bathroom. I limp over to the tub and run scalding hot water for my bath. After adding lilac scented bubble bath, I begin to strip down.

Once I'm rid of my clothes I shut off the water and climb into the tub. I hiss in pain as the hot water makes my cuts sting. I breathe deeply as I wait for my body to adjust and the pain to subside. Soon, I relax into the tub. The warmth seeps into me easing the aches as the water washes away the access blood and alcohol.

By the time I get out, my skins as soft and pink as a baby's bottom and my fingers are wrinkled up like an old lady's face. I dry myself off and wrap the towel around my body, moving to stand in front of the sink. I brush my teeth quickly. Then I remove my makeup from last night. I smother myself in lotion before padding back into my room.

I notice Logan's gone, as is my bed sheets. I smile realizing he took them to the wash for me. I move to my dresser and pull out some panties and a bra as well as a teeshirt. I quickly dress and walk over to my bedside table to grab the first aid kit. I re-bandage my wounds from the night before, making sure to put Neosporin on them.

"Hey," Logan says softly. My eyes snap to where he's standing in the door way. "Your, um, cuts didn't seem to be too bad." He says uncomfortably.

I nod. He's right. They may be long and numerous but they aren't deep.

"Yeah." I reply looking down at the bed in shame. I promised I wouldn't get drunk again and I did. I screwed up like always.

"Jay," Logan sighs coming to sit beside me. "It's okay." He soothes wrapping me in a hug.

"No it's not." I mumble, tears welling in my eyes. "I promised you I wouldn't."

He tilts my head up. "Why did you do it?" He asks gently.

"It was just too much." I answered honestly. "Old feelings, new feelings, everything. I felt overwhelmed."

"It's okay." He hugs me to his chest. "I don't blame you. I just wish you would stop hurting yourself."

"I don't mean to." I whimper regretfully.

"Shh." He rocks me side to side as I burry my face in his chest. I close my eyes, drifting off to sleep again.

•••

When I awake again I feel a bit better. The pounding in my head has lessened and the pain in my hand and knees isn't as bad. My stomach grumbles loudly, causing me to untangle myself from my warm bed. I grab my glasses and head downstairs.

"Jay!" Maggie exclaims excitedly wrapping her arms around me. "Today's a holiday so that means I get to spend it with you and Logie!" She squeals using her nickname for Logan.

I mentally face palm. Duh it's Labor Day. I hug my little sister back. "That's right. A whole day for just me, you, and Logan."

"And Thomas." Logan calls from where he stands making Kraft Mac-n-cheese.

"And Trent!" Thomas says, amusement lacing his voice as he enters the kitchen with his youngest brother.

"Ew boys!" Maggie squeals.

Oh boy. Looks like I'm going to have quite a day.

                        •••

"Jay?" Thomas asks after the two little ones are settled with a very nutritious lunch of Kraft Mac-n-cheese and cheese pizza. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Umm I guess." I mumble nervously, looking down at my feet. If I'm honest I'm a bit scared to talk to him after what he witnessed last night.

He walks out of the kitchen and I follow him into the living room. He sits on one of the plush couches and signals for me to join him. I do nodding for him to say what he wants.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay." He says worriedly. I look up and his eyes are filled with sincerity and concern.

"I'll be okay." I whisper unable to break eye contact.

"Are you sure?" He asks brushing some hair out of my face.

I nod slightly.

"What happened?" He asks softly.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mumble breaking eye contact.

He sighs. "As long as you're okay, that's all that matters." He wraps his arms around me pulling me against him.

"Thank you." I reply hugging him back. For just a few moments I feel safe and warm.

Suddenly Logan's voice interrupts our moment. "Oh guys! You better come eat before the food is all gone!"