Wattpad Blunders!

How not to start a story (does that make sense)

Dediated to: AnotherFantasyGirl because she's been reading this :D

Hey guys, it's a blunder! I've been away from blunders for a while, but something that happened to me this week's made me want to upload this blunder. It happens too much. There are too many people who just don't understand how to start a story. If a story is started badly I'm not even going to bother reading it. How you start your story is a selling point (straight after blurb and cover). If your story starts badly, only people with REALLY low standards will continue reading.

As you can tell, I'm not in a really good mood so I'm going to take it out on those who annoy me. This is not an author's note, this is an intro. You should know that here at blunders we don't know of such things ;)

Anywhore, onto the count down!

#1 Once Upon a time.

The only time this is acceptable is when you're writign a VERY basic story for CHILDREN otherwise don't you even dare! It's stupid and shows lack of awesomeness. A proper story doesn't start with 'once upon a time', fairytales and stories about dogs and cats running away start with once upon a time.

Good time to use once upon a time:

Once upon a time, there was a big white shark who just wanted to eat the teenagers that were dancing on the deck (insert story with happy ending here)

OR

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who was poor, but very pretty (insert Cinderella plot here).

You know what, I have nothing more to say here, just don't start your stories like this unless you're doing one of the above.

#2 Alarm clock

RARRRR! Why do so many of you have to do this? It's so awful. They always start the same..

Beeep. That was my alarm, it's so loud. Ugh I hate alarms.

Or something along them lines. If you're going to use the alarm start, don't. Your story will be MUCH better without it. I hate stories that start like this because you can already tell that they're going to follow the same patten of suckiness. Stories like this end up interacting with the reader all too much which really annoys me. I want to read good narrative not your freaking life story.

#3 Music

This is similar to the alarm clock, I really should have just tied them together but ICBA now so let's just leave it. Anywhore, what I mean by music are those stories that start like this:

 I woke up to "insert really creepy sounding emo mosher slit the wrist type song" blasting through my speaker. I totally love that band/ song it's so rad. Don't you think so? LOL I'm crazy but you love me!

My face: -_- Oh hell no! 

Just shut up! This doesn't make a good story. It sounds stupid and I'm sad to say that this is from an actual story. Stories like this always end up going the same. They are so full of cliches that you could choke. You'll fin every known cliche harbouring in this story. Trust!

I know that there will be alot of people offended by this but to be honest and frank I don't really give a flying fdoogle :)

As you may have gathered, I hate cliches.

#4 Hello My Name is

Last, but CERTAINLY not least, we have the Hello My Name Is starters. This is stupid because it's basic.  A good writer shouldn't need to do silly thing like this to start a story, they should be good enough to let the reader find the character's name out in a more creative way. Stories like this always go into a full-blown unnecessarily long description of the character's sexiness. Un. Called. For.

Example:

Hello, my name is Billlie Bob Jenkins and this is my story. I have really light blue eyes, golden blonde hair. I'm short but it's a good type of short, I have perfect skin, I wear great clothes but I'm ugly and emoey with no friends. Also, I'm exactly 5'1 with the perfect body shape.

Me: -_-

If you're going to start your story like that then you're a douche. I don't see why people even incorporate the hello my name is into their story. It's un needed and stupid.

                                                          How To Start A story

These are a few tips on how to start your story.

#1 Speech (Don't go crazy)

#2 Description (Not Lord of the Flies type ones because those are just long)

#3 Attention grabber eg dream, anecdote, question, humor etc.

I swear these things get shorter every time I do them :/ Oh well, you still love me right? To anyone I've offended, I'm not sorry. I don't write to please you and as it says on the blurb that if you're easily offended don't read it. This is me just telling my opinion. Not every story that starts with those bad beginnings is going to be bad but I've read enough for me to come to the conclusion that most are (on here anyway).