Riker's Depression

Chapter 48 : Pool Party

Chapter 48

Later...

Riker POV

We'd had hamburgers for dinner. And I'd actually eaten mine. I didn't want to get in trouble in front of Paige, and for some reason, I just felt like eating. And part of that might've been because I was really hungry.

We'd finished cleaning up from dinner, and everybody was heading towards the pool. Rocky helped me sit down on the edge.

"Aren't you going to come in, Riker?" Rydel asked.

"Um... Maybe?"

Ross and Ryland ended up sneaking up behind me, and throwing me in. My ankle hurt really bad, so it hurt to swim, and it sort of felt like I was drowning. Paige grabbed my arm, and helped me over to the edge. I clung to the edge, trying to catch my breath.

"You ok, Riker?" Paige asked.

"I want to get out."

"Ok. Do you want help?"

"Yes."

I tried to push myself up with my arms. Paige had her hands on my hips, and helped push me out. She got out too, and gave me my crutches.

"Riker, are you sure you're ok? You're all pale."

"I'm going to have a panic attack," I whispered, crying.

"Aw, Riker... Let's go sit down, ok?"

We walked over to the house, and sat down in the grass. Paige had her arm around me.

"Riker, everything's ok."

"I'm j-just so m-mad."

"Why?"

"I t-thought I w-was d-doing better... R-Rocky said I w-was... And n-now this h-happens..."

"What? The panic attack?"

I nodded.

"Riker, you had panic attacks before. And I think you are doing better. You ate your whole dinner, and you're swimming. I remember when you said you'd never go swimming."

"Well yeah, because I didn't want everyone to see my cuts. It's only ok because they're all covered."

"Well I still think you're doing better."

"How much better do I have to be doing for you to love me again?"

"Riker, I already love you."

"I mean, when will you be my girlfriend?"

"I don't know. But I want you to be a little bit better first. Ok?"

"Fine..."

My heart slowed down, and I stopped sweating like crazy. Finally, it was over.

"Are you ready to go back?" Paige asked.

"I just want you to be my girlfriend again," I whispered, breaking into more tears.

"Aw, Riker..."

"I miss you! So much!"

"Riker."

"What can I do to prove that I'm better enough?"

"Riker-"

"How about this?"

I pulled the rash guard off. I looked down at my stomach and my wrists. Scars. Everywhere.

"Let's go swimming," I said, getting up.

"Riker, you don't have to do this," Paige said, pulling me back down beside her.