With the Lights Off...

(74): Belong

Ian's POV

Ten minutes later

Walt Disney Concert Hall

I parked my car right outside and saw that there was a private event happening in the actual concert hall. I ducked out and made my way inside through the secret passageway Nina and I found.

The single lightbulb was already turned on, the faintest hints of it spreading out of the doorframe.

I stopped in my track and took in a huge breath, closing my eyes. I know I can do this.

I heaved a huge sigh and made my way inside, seeing her standing in front of the beam we wrote all those cheesy lines on. I silently watched her raise her hand up, tracing the engraved letters with her fingers.

"Nina?" Her name slipped out of my mouth so quietly, I was surprised when she turned around to look at me.

She smiled and shrugged. "You're here."

I nodded. "No matter what pickle we're in, I'm always going to want to see you."

She grinned. "You said pickle. You really are ancient," she kidded, turning back to look at the post we wrote on. "We never came back after that proposal, huh?"

"We were way too busy fixing our lives," I said.

"And blowing it up eventually," she filled in, turning back to face me again. She looked around and said, "Somehow, when you got here, it just lit up again. This place just felt like nothing without you in it."

I smiled a calculated smile and clenched and unclenched my fists. "Anything new on that message post?"

She shook her head and shrugged. "How I wish I had enough time to scratch a message here before you arrived," she said. "I just... I don't know what to say."

I shrugged. "Neither do I, to be honest."

"Ian..."

She made her way towards me but stopped as soon as she saw the single thing I knew I didn't want her to see.

It was the crib I made.

She broke off her glance and walked towards the crib, running her hands over the wooden frame. She stayed silent for a while as she stared at the crib.

I didn't know whether the long silence was supposed to be a sign for something.

She swallowed and looked up at me. "So these are the secrets you've been keeping from me, huh?" she asked, her smile still on her face. "I thought Paul was kidding when you said you've been chopping up blocks of wood in their backyard."

"He wasn't," I said. "Even if it sounds hilarious out loud, it's true."

She stayed there, staring at it intently. "And you made it rock too," she said, slowly moving the crib so it rocked softly.

I bit my lip and shrugged. "I know. It's a waste of time to even make these things, but I needed to make sure that I vented my anger in some other way. Because of the other way I used to do it, I almost cost Derek his career."

She looked up at me and said, "You thought you knew how these made me feel, which is why you kept them here."

"I just didn't want you to-."

"Be upset because you're still obviously holding onto the idea of having kids?" she finished for me.

I bowed my head low. "No," I said. "I just... I can't explain it."

"You don't have to," she said. "All these things you made, they're signs that you really won't be able to let go of that dream of yours."

My head shot up as I made my way towards her. "Maybe I won't," I said. "Hell, maybe I don't want to. I'm sorry if I upset you, but you have to know that I'll never be sorry for wanting what I do. I want kids, I want a huge family, I want to teach my kids sports or eat gross finger sandwiches with them at tea parties. I want to build them a treehouse and let them climb trees so I can patch up their cuts right after. I want all of that."