Sherlock Imagines {COMPLETED}

Johnlock: Empty Answers

Ayup guys, quick note: I got this idea from a jacksepticeye imagine by @spaceandwoods please go and check out their works because I find them really detailed and interesting. Also, I go away for four days and when I come back I have 170 reads!? Holy shiz thank you guys so much. Anyways, moving on.

-WARNING- This imagine alludes to suicide. May be triggering for some readers.

Sherlock's POV
I walked up to John and took a deep breath; I could do this. There were others around but they wouldn't bother us.
I began to speak.

"Hello John. Where do I start? I knew from the moment that I laid eyes on you I had to make you mine. No wait- sorry that sounds weird, I mean I found you interesting." John didn't say anything but waited for me to carry on.
"When I had to jump it broke my heart. Two years to me felt like two life times. Sorry... this is really cheesy." The wind blew around us, making the trees bend out of shape.

"You've no idea how many times I wanted to run to you and just hug you, hold you. Feelings are new to me so this probably isn't what you expect to hear, or perhaps even what you want to hear. You'll have to bear with me whilst I work this out." I took another deep breath, watching as John waited patiently for me to continue.

"I remember your face as I jumped from that rooftop, contorted in pain and confusion. I guess I'm glad that I hadn't told you I loved you before I 'died'. Although part of me wishes I had. Maybe if I had we wouldn't be in this situation. I don't know, I'm just rambling again." Tears sprang from my eyes as I broke down in front of him.

"God John, I was so stupid wasn't I? Go on, tell me I'm an idiot, a jerk an annoying prick. I'd give anything to hear you say that." John didn't utter a word. Not a syllable.
"You're right, I don't deserve your pity or sympathy. I deserve to rot in hell. Maybe I'll fall for real. I've got nothing left to live for."

I clumsily reached out a hand towards him, trying to conjure up new words and phrases but for the first time in my life I was speechless. Utterly speechless. I wept on the cold ground, ignoring the people around us. Slowly lifted my head up to look at him in all his majesty.

"John, I- I know you could never forgive me but, I am sorry. So very very very sorry. If I had known what it would do to you then maybe I would have thought again. Maybe I would have told you what I wanted to do. You're so good at acting, so you would have had no trouble pretending to grieve." I stood quickly, wrapping my coat tighter around my body and re-tying my scarf. The winter chill was upon us.

"Anyway John, I came here to ask you to be my- to be my b-boyfriend. There I said it and I mean it. Please answer me. I don't care how either. Yell, scream, cry. Just answer my question. Because, I l-love you..."

But of course John didn't answer. Nobody did. I hadn't expected him to. Instead his grave stood there, mocking me. Reminding me of how much I had lost. Of how he hadn't had a squashy mattress to break his fall. I stood up, knowing what I had to do. This time without anyone help. I left a note tucked next to John's grave telling Lestrade what to do when they found me. Once everything was set I made my way to St Bart's one final time.

A/N.....................

I'm so sorry. I nearly started crying whilst writing this. Then again that might be because I can cry at just about anything. I would say that I hoped you enjoyed this but in all honesty there isn't much to enjoy. *remember kids, happy thoughts, happy thoughts.* Baiiiiiii for now-L