Resolution

12. The Girl

"I wish I could do better by you cause that's what you deserve."

Song: The Girl

Artist: City and Colour

Harry's POV

"Okay," she said. Her voice was quiet and shaky, as if she was afraid of agreeing to my request. A nervous and excited thud struck my heart as I watched her face. Her incredibly clear blue eyes were narrowed in concern and she bit her lip into her mouth.

I held myself back from kissing her again, not wanting to push her too far after what I'd told her tonight. I don't know why I had kissed that girl; I hadn't been interested in her at all. It was just that she had appeared and thrown herself at me, like girls always did, and I responded before I knew what was happening.

Her lips had felt wrong pressed against mine, all cold and thin and unfamiliar. Halle's face had flashed across my mind, and I suddenly felt dirty. I didn't know that girl, nor did I have any desire to know her. As soon as had I realized what was happening, I had pulled myself away from her, ran outside, and called Halle like an obedient little puppy.

What the hell was happening to me?

I didn't care at the moment, because lying here next to her was the happiest I had been all night.

I didn't deserve to be here, though. She was too good for me, far too good for me, even though she refused to acknowledge it. My actions tonight had proved that. Sure, I'd told her what I'd done, but it was in a drunken state after she'd rejected me; I didn't know if the situation would have been different if I would have told her.

Probably not, honestly.

I had seen flashes of anger, jealousy, and hurt when I'd told her, despite her attempts to hide them. Even after drinking, I could read her so easily. It was selfish of me, and I hated myself for hurting her, but I was happy to see her react that way; it meant that, despite her protestations to the contrary, she was harboring feelings for me. Somewhere, for some unknown reason, she was.

My pathetic attempts at warning her to stay away from me had been half-hearted at best, because I in no way actually wanted her to stay away. I felt such a strong connection to her that I couldn't shake, and I'd finally given up on trying to ignore it.

I had never felt more vulnerable in my life than when I'd asked her to stay, but the elated sense of relief I felt when she'd agreed had made it worth it.

When she'd let me kiss her, really kiss her, I thought I was going to spontaneously combust. Never had I felt such an all-consuming fire blazing through me when I'd kissed someone, not even from our previous kisses. This time had been different, and I knew she felt it too. This had been a real kiss, not a heated, in the moment kiss that would only lead to something else.

I swore to myself in that instant I wouldn't try anything else tonight. I wanted her to see that I was more than okay with just being with her and not having sex. I didn't know much about what to do, but I knew that would mean something to her- to know I wanted more from her than just sex.

I finally could admit that I did want that, but I didn't know if I was prepared to handle it.

These were all the thoughts that flashed through my head as I examined her face, taking in the tiniest of details of the beautiful girl who lay next to me. It was quickly occurring to me that we were both awful at expression ourselves verbally, both of us too stubborn to admit what we were really feeling and choosing to hide behind the cold façade we had formed at the start of this. Neither of us wanted to admit to any feelings, too afraid to be vulnerable and say what we really were thinking to be honest.