Resolution

30. Holocene

"Some way baby, it's part of me, apart from me."

Song: Holocene

Artist: Bon Iver

“Harry?!” I pleaded again, my hands reaching for his shoulders to shake him slightly.  Panic coursed through me as I noticed the difficulty he was having breathing, the air leaving his lips not even strong enough to make an impact against the skin on my neck.  The wheezing that sounded from his lungs continued to haunt me as I struggled to pull myself from beneath him, his weight pinning me down. 

“Hal-“ he whispered, his voice strained and tight as he attempted to tell me what was wrong.  As gently and quickly as I could, I managed to free myself from beneath him, his body rolling onto his side as I frantically tried to discover what was wrong.  His lips were parted as he gasped, his lungs attempting to draw a full breath of air but failing.  My shaking hands desperately cupped his face, petting the hair back from his face frantically as I watched him grow redder by the second.

“Harry what’s wrong?” I begged, my voice cracking as unstoppable tears pricked behind my eyes.  My heart thudded in an irregular pattern as I tried to suppress the panic that was quickly rising in me, terrified I wouldn’t be able to stop whatever was happening to him.

His body hunched in on itself, his weight resting on his shoulder as his eyes closed.  His breathing wheezed and gasped as his hand clenched tightly at his chest.  A faint memory stirred in my mind at the sight of him holding his chest- a girl in my gym class ages ago, back when I was just a kid, who had run too hard in the game before collapsing on the linoleum floor.  She, too, had wheezed in a similar manner, her airways closing in on her as she struggled to draw a breath.

She had struggled the same way Harry was struggling now- his body revolting against him as he desperately tried to breath.  I knew what was happening to him- he was having an asthma attack. 

“Do you have asthma?” I asked, desperately trying to keep my voice calm to sooth him and help him breathe.

He gave an almost imperceptible nod of his head, his eyes squeezing closed even tighter as I asked.  His hand was shaking against his chest as he gave another involuntary shudder, his body craving the oxygen he couldn’t get. 

“Do you have an inhaler? Where is it, Harry?” I begged more urgently, releasing his face from my hands reluctantly to climb off the bed and begin searching for it.

“Dr-drawer,” he managed to wheeze his eyes opening enough to look at the bedside table.  I flung my hands to the drawer, pulling it out haphazardly and plunging my hands inside to sift through the contents.  A vast collection of condoms, a cell phone charger, and what appeared to be a bottle of Advil were all scattered by my shaking hands before I finally, finally, grasped the inhaler that had been shoved way to the back of the drawer. 

I tried to calm my shaking hands and my own gasping breaths as I shook it the way I had seen in my gym class so long ago.  My fingers wouldn’t obey me as I tried to pull the cap off, and a frustrated, terrified grunt blew from my lips before I finally got it off.  My hand moved to hold Harry’s face again while my other held the inhaler to his lips.

“One, two, three,” I counted quickly before pressing down on the button and releasing the medicine into his mouth.  I pulled it back enough for him to close his mouth, his lips sealing it inside and his eyes squeezing shut as he tried to hold what little breath he had been able to draw.  

“Again?” I asked.  My cheeks were wet with tears that had escaped in my terrified, frantic state.  He didn’t open his eyes, but already the wheezing wasn’t as strong, though his breaths were still labored.  He nodded, his lips finally parting to exhale a shaky breath.  I shook the inhaler again and repeated the process, counting down before puffing the mist into his mouth.  I pulled the inhaler from his lips, which were tinged a scary shade of blue as he pursed them together again to seal in the medicine.