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love hurts and hurts again, farewell hurts and hurts even more
i followed your advice to be a singer despite what happened and as much as it hurts, i still love you.
"jungkook"
"oh. yoongi-hyung, what is it? what's with the rush? the live telecast is ab—"
"be ready, the mc's going to ask about love is not over" i flinched at the mention of the song and i couldn't help but let the memories flood my head. i couldn't help myself as my eyes wanted to cry.
"snap out of it, jungkook" i was taken out of the trance when jimin nudged my side and he reassuringly patted my head.
"i—i'm okay" i nodded at him. after five years, jimin and i finally got into good terms. he was able to move on and was finally seeing someone new now. i was glad for him as a friend.
"don't get distracted, even just for now" he patted my head again and i clearly knew what he meant. jimin's words hit a nerve and i really wanted to cry on the spot but—
"breathe jungkook" i heard taehyung beside me as he saw how i was beginning to become a broken boy when he first saw me when the faithful night happened. my eyes trailed at the two boys in front of me and i managed to control myself.
"y—yeah, thanks guys. i'm okay" i heaved a sigh, trying my best to keep in mind that i must be okay as i smiled bitterly.
"let's welcome bts!" the mc introduced us as our heads snapped and it was our cue to go.
"just try not to do something reckless okay?" jimin reminded again and i simply nodded once more.
five years.
five years has passed ever since that happened and here i am—popular, successful and is a well-known artist of the group bts that me and the boys made. life was exciting and is full of surprises but here i am, broken.
"—although, one song caught my attention and it was the next most appealing to the 'i need you' piece, we heard that jungkook-shi composed it." the mc mumbled and i started to get nervous as heck.
"ohh, the outro!" hoseok started
"love is not over!" taehyung continued.
"right! that's right! the song love is not over! i love that! as a fan, when i first heard the song, it really caught my attention on how it seems that it came from the composer's innermost feelings. it literally made me tear right after i heard it." i felt the atmosphere between the boys and i get heavier as the mc continued to speak, we all clearly knew where his statement was going and it was clearly a touchy topic, especially to me.
"—was there any story behind it jungkook-shi?" i really wanted to not answer as it will open the wounds that has yet to heal but nonetheless, i was at work and i had to act professional.
the boys and i had a little eye battle whether i should answer or not, their eyes told me to just make up an answer but i wasn't the type to lie.
"—it was about my first love actually" i choked out, trying hard not to falter.
"ooohhh. mind telling it to us?" the mc pressed further as he found the topic interesting which made me a little uneasy.
"—um" i was very uneasy and reluctant. "just like the song as you can already hint of, my first love ended a little way—" my voice was caught up inside my throat, i couldn't find the courage to speak it and as much as i didn't want to hear it coming out from anyone's mouth, somebody had to break it to me.
"bad?" the mc spoke, i flinched and jin nudged me so i managed to give out a fake smile for the last time.
"—like that"
❌
"jungkook, you okay?" jin asked once we were already inside the van. the interview ended with no problems except when the topics always landed on me and my past, but nothing really big happened actually. all in all we were able to make it out well.
"—um" jin hinted of my little word and patted my head.
"sorry, that was such an absurd question" i smiled bitterly at the older one.
"no, i'm fine. just—just a little exhausted 'is all" i spoke as my eyes landed on the city lights in our sight as the van started to move, i buried half of my face on my red scarf, hinting everyone that i didn't want to talk anymore.
i'm not okay. i'm clearly not okay and i think it will take a long time before i will ever be.
"it's the fourth anniversary right?" namjoon pressed and i saw in my peripheral vision as how the boys' head snapped on namjoon's direction. i plugged my earphones as i didn't want to hear where the topic was going.
i closed my eyes as i wanted to sleep the pain away and i didn't like the way the topic was going but like always, whenever i close my eyes only her face is what i would always see and it fucking hurts me so much.
a tear escaped and i couldn't help but want to be alone for the moment.
"can you guys go ahead?" i asked once the van reached the apartment.
"what do you mean?" hoseok asked.
"i got to go somewhere now"
"but—" jin wanted to stop me but when our eyes met he clearly knew i needed to be alone.
"okay."
it has been five years but—but i still feel the same way whenever i would come in here. my feet led me in the one place where everything started. our hideout when the world was so cruel, the only place we loved to hang out and clear our heads—the sea side.
like when we first met, the night sky was already at its peak and countless of stars were present above. the waves were trashing on the sands as it danced with the wind and the moon was illuminated in the clear sea. i took off my shoes as i walked barefoot on the sands.
everything used to look the same, everything looks so perfect – like us. we were so perfect and nothing would have seemed to go wrong but, who would've thought we had to part ways? i miss her. i miss her so much, i love her and its already been five years ever since it happened.
it has already been five years and i still can't forget you. my heart still yearns for you, i want to see you, touch you and spend my life with you until the day i die. but why? why did you have to leave me?
as much as i never wanted to speak your name as it hurts me so much, i want to badly know why,
i wanted to know why. i wanted to know why you have to vanish into thin air aoi?
i can't move on. i can't find someone that i'll love just like the way i do to you. i can't find the way to forget you. i can't forget the way our skins touched and how the way your lips tasted. i just missed everything, i miss the beautiful angel, that is you.
my eyes closed on itself as i felt the hot tears stream down my face.
