Self-discovery through Magic {On Hold}

1. Visions

                       Have you ever pondered your purpose in life or simply, the purpose of life?

                      Have you ever pondered what would be different if you had never been born on this 

                       Earth? 

                       Have you ever wish for death but, it never comes.

                    when you realize the death note is truly not coming, you decide to take the matter into your own hands.

                      Except, the only problem is, death never accepts you into its kingdom.

                       Well, this is me, the person that death just refuses to allow enter its kingdom.

 Hi, my name is Lagnala and I'm 18. I'm not the popular nor am I average. I say that because I don't know what group type I fit into. I stopped trying to figure myself out awhile back. Now, I accept things how they come, or I shut down completely. My biggest wishes are, for the pit below or the one above to grant me my one true wish. Death.

"Lagnala get your ass over here right now!" 

I put my half-completed sketch of a demolished world down on my unfixed twin sized bed and march over to the so called, living room. When we first move to this house, the living room was amazing. It was the center of attention. Now stain stains everywhere. The smell of the place alone will make you want to run for dear life.

I walk into to the living room to find my dad passed out on the floor with his head between a  puddle of puke; and my mother smoking dope, not much of a  surprise there. 

I have witnessed this situation before. My dad passed out from drinking a dangerous amount of alcohol, and my mom Smoking, killing her insides. Sometimes, tears come to play in the situation, and today I don't want any drama. I close my eyes to fancy myself somewhere far away from here. Somewhere where my mind can find relaxation. 

Instead, I receive a flash of an old lady sitting on a stool. She's making a come signal with her hands while saying something. Something that I can never make out. As I am trying to decipher what the old lady is trying to say, the flash harshly gets brighter and dies out; leaving me with a killer headache.

 I've been seeing the same scene for the past 8 years except with some slight changes, and longer endurances.

 It all started when I was ten. I was in a deep sleep, and an old lady sitting on a stool was trying to tell me something. Every time I tried to decode the message she was trying to say, something always got in the way. 

Now, 8 years later, still I try to decrypt the old lady's message. Out of nowhere, I hear screaming. I snap out from my thoughts and see her, yelling her lungs out.

 "Hello! are you fucking deaf!" my mom yells. 

"What do you want? I was busy doing something "I retort "unlike you," I mutter under my breath,

"Do I look like I give a shit about what you were doing? Now go clean up your father along with his mess over there," she demands while taking a long drag of smoke and slowly puffing it out creating 'oh's' in the air. 

The back of my head starts to pound like someone is pounding a rock on it. I ignore the pain and say,

"Why can't you do it? I mean you can actually to do something for once in life, instead of killing yourself with the shit you be smoking day and night,"

"I don't have to do anything if I don't want to, and the shit I put in my body is none of your fucking business. Now get yourself something to clean the floor. It's starting to stink up the damn place."

Yeah, that's what stinking up the place.

I feel another sharp pain run wild in my head. I push the pain away and stare at her square in the eye and proclaim,

"Just to let you know, without a doubt in the world, you're the worst mother any daughter could have!"

She takes another long drag of smoke and slowly lets it out which only makes my brain tick a bit faster.

"Well just to let you know, I never asked for a piece of shit like you. You are a worthless bum. If only that abortion didn't fail. Now go get something to clean this up."

Even though I've heard this many times before, I feel like I just got hammered in the stomach. I swallow the feeling that nailed it's way to my throat back down, and lock all tears back in their cages and walk to the kitchen to grab the supplies I need.