Book Page 143 (Suga X Jiae)

Chapter 34

Jiae POV

"Are you sure you don't want to take your exams here?" Grandpa concernedly asked me.

I was already packing my last bits of things before I move out tomorrow Saturday morning.

"I'm perfectly sure" I tried to sound positive.

He judgingly eyed me from bottom to top. Unconvinced with my answer.

It's been two weeks since all those big drama happened to me. And the time felt short and painful.

Yoongi and me didn't talk anymore like we should have been.

He was back to his old self. I mean, the person before he met me. It just ever since that day, I started to avoid him.
And he didn't have the will to try and not make me avoid him.

Eventhought we were in the same house, we didn't go back school together.

He was busy playing and I was busy studying.

Eventhought our rooms were just a foot apart, we didn't meet or talk like we used to be.

The only time that we were close was only at the dining table. But still no words were exchanged from us.

I know that Grandpa noticed the tensed atmosphere between us, but he seemed like he knew he shouldn't mend in on our problem.

We're already grown up, we should solve our own problems right?

Grandpa left me, when he saw that I need time for myself.

I let my body fall backwards on my messy bed. My body feeling restless, and my head has maybe going to reach it's limits.

I turned my head to face the mirror.

I've also slightly changed my appearence. I coloured my hair a lighter brown and had some bangs in front. My face looks thinner and paler, that I don't even know why. And my eye bags were like digging in my face deeper and deeper.

And then I felt my cheeks getting suddenly wet.

Fool. Jiae, you're such a fool.

It hurts, my heart hurts so much. It's a pain that i've felt just like when my parents had left me, but the pain I am feeling right now, it's twice painful.

It feels like i'm not living, just breathing.

Why does it hurt so bad? I never liked him at the first. My feelings just grew and lingered around him when he confessed to me. I wasn't the one who took the step in trying to be in love, he pulled me in.

Great, now my sheets are getting damp because of me tears.

I hate you, Yoongi, why are you doing this to me?

Why am I the only one hurting? When you look like you can live just with music in your life.

Why do I feel that I can't still leave you like this? Leave us like this, without a proper closure?

I hit my chest repeatedly and hugged myself. I cried out loud hoping he would hear. I wanted him to know that i'm hurting when he is living fine like nothing never did happened between us.

I hate you so much Yoongi because....

I love you so much that it's killing me in the inside.

Before I knew it, I was drifted to sleep drunked with my tears.

................

"Jiae, hey wake up"

I heard a familiar voice that I rarely got to hear slowly and calmly waking me up. I whimpered in my sleep and slowly tried to flutter my eyes open. My eyelids were really heavy that I had to rub it off multiple times.